My son. My son.
So here lately my son has been mouthing off something awful. I know some of you are like well what’s the problem…Handle that.
As a child coming up I had an issue with my mother yelling and spanking me, and while I would like to think I turned out a’ight…
We I have decided that I am going to take a different approach with parenting my children. This week I vowed to yell less and listen more because he said he feels like I don’t listen. Which I do listen by the way, its just that his reasoning makes no sense. Yet I often get a good internal chuckle at some of the pontifications that he uses to rationalize his behavior.
So back to the issue at hand.
The word “bad” gets thrown around recklessly when it comes to talking about children. I’m sure we all have our own definition of bad and indeed some children are just that but my son is not…at least by my definition of the word. He is not the boy that I have to speak to about jumping off of my couch or throwing rocks at the neighbors house, his issue lies in not knowing when to Shut.His.Mouth.
His defiance comes on an intellectual level and that makes it that much more difficult to parent and discipline through because those skills will be put to good use when he figures out how to properly channel them. My concern is that I don’t want to put that flame out that questions everything, and can quickly argue a point. Hell at this point in his life he would make an awesome 7 year old attorney. Just imagine his potential with some proper schooling.
Need an example? Good.
I can say to him son, I don’t want you eating in the living room. Now if I’m not mistaken that is a declarative statement. As in I, the mama have told you to do something and I expect it to be done.
Evidently he is processing it as: I heard what she said, yet it is something I am not interested in doing. Instead of doing what she said, I am going to give a plethora of reasons why this makes no sense in my world and why she needs to see things my way.
See. I’m not here for the back and forth. He will argue me down about why he did what he did and why it was okay when quite simply I told him to do something. Or he will question MY declaration, and like I told him the other day, I am the mother, I make the rules. PERIOD….then he asks why and I just have to walk away.
I know some you are still all with the *blank stare* like spank him and keep it moving. I am not ashamed to say I have tried that, we have taken things away and he’s still doing it. So at this point I choose not to spank. I’m just going to beat him at his own mind game. Lately instead of getting upset that he is asking the questions, I take out the time to answer them. I tell him why his father and I make the rules. I include examples to what could happen if he doesn’t listen to them in an effort to show cause and effect hoping that he will better process the information and start to think in a consequential manner.
Parenting sure is difficult. At this point I would take the sleepless nights over mind wrestling but it comes with parenting and we are now entering a new stage. One that is new and fresh but what I do know is I don’t want to use the old ways. I’m more concerned with him knowing why instead of just doing. A lot of us have gotten ourselves in trouble by not asking questions and just doing. It’s all relevant. It really is.
Are you parenting your children how you were parented, even if as an adult you feel some kind of way about your upbringing?