For the past two weeks I have been faithfully tuning into WE’s new show House of Curves on Thursday nights at 10p. House of Curves showcases plus size fashion designer Kenyatta Jones and her quest to build a high fashion clothing brand specifically for plus sized women. I will admit if one of my very best friends Kelli Flournoy was not a major part of the show I probably wouldn’t watch because for the few episodes that I have watched it just gives me a bad taste in my mouth when it comes to the hostility exchanged between fat/thick girls and skinny girls.
I’m a skinny girl. I always have been, and I was very insecure about my size growing up because being skinny and arse less in the black community can open you up to a ton of criticism and snide comments. In the past seven years I have finally come to embrace my small frame, but I have never done that at the expense of making snide comments to other women who are bigger than me. I just wish other people would be as respectful.
. I personally roll my eyes at such comments as:
“Men like women with curves.”
“Girl you need to eat”
“Skinny women are evil”
…and the list goes on and on and on.
I am more than certain girls and women of the thicker persuasion have probably heard equivalents to such foolery and the point I am trying to make is the utterance of such phrases is unnecessary and hurtful. If one is secure in their own size why the need to say such things? After watching the latest episode of House of Curves I am reminded that this world is so far divided and it goes beyond black and white. It is deeply rooted in anything that separates us one from another.
…but who am I. I just hope that after reading this if you are the type of person who is used to saying such things and expecting them to roll off people’s backs like water you will start to think before you speak. While it may be a joke to you, you never know how such words are received by others and from experience I will tell you they can be downright hurtful.
Are you guilty? What do you think drives such negative and condescending behaviors toward each other?
17 Comments
Joi @ Rx Fitness Lady
July 9, 2013 at 1:11 amI am not guilty of commenting but I’ve been victim. It doesn’t matter what size you are people make comments when you gain, loose, or are just content. I let it roll off my back though. My Mother shared with me an interesting point about the little old ladies who comment and even some others people. She said they are usually trying to make conversation with you & don’t really have anything to say. Every since she told me that, I’ve noticed it to be true.
You are probably more so referring to flat out haters tho.
Shon
July 9, 2013 at 9:21 amHmm, this reminds me of a time when I was in college. I attended a HBCU and of course it goes without saying that if you did not have the “curves” you might get called out! Well, that is what happened to me my Freshman year while attending a basketball game on campus. I was in the line with my girls to purchase my ticket and got called out by a guy for having an “ironing board” instead of a voluptuous rear!! Let’s just say this hurt me tremendously and it took years for me to overcome this and embrace my shape!
LaShawn
July 9, 2013 at 9:49 amI think these comments mostly come from insecurity and just plain haters. Even though I am by NO means skinny, I’ve always been the smallest in my group of cousins who are all decidely more voluptuous than I . And I have heard every comment under the book from: men like more meat of the bones to , men need something to hold on to, to girl, you need to eat more! And when I am slightly more curvy than usual( read right now) then I get the: are you pregnant? You gaining weight? You look more “curvy” than usual! I.can’t.win. I think weight is such a big self esteem issue in our community. On the one hand, society tells us skinny is in. On the other hand, our culture( ie videos, magaizine, men) tell us that “all they want for they birthday is a big booty hoe”. We have to learn to embrace the skin we are in. And ignore everyone else!
Joy and Sunshine
July 9, 2013 at 10:12 amI am in total agreement with this post and LaShawn’s comment. There is definitely a discrepancy between societal and cultural views on women’s body types. Growing up, I was called “chicken legs” and “pancake” – the girls with curves were “cake” – and I was well into adulthood before I really embraced my shape and size. This issue, like so many others, can be very one-sided, in my opinion. For example, it’s fine for a stranger to tell me that I need to eat more, but it would be a whole different ballgame for me to respond that “maybe you need to eat a little less or more healthily.” You can’t tell a person’s struggles, issues, or lifestyle just by looking at them.
Farrah
July 9, 2013 at 10:58 amI too totally agree with LaShawn’s comment. It all boils down to insecurity and haters! I think of my niece as typing this, she is thin and loves to tell anyone who will listen she is thick, she wants the thicker thighs and big booty. When I was young I was thin with a big booty, now that I have gotten older I have filled out and I am fluffy:) it has taken me years to be somewhat comfortable with my body because I would always revert back in mind the days when I was thinner and could get away with wearing single digit sizes, I admit I’m still not 100% there on some days, but my husband reaffirms that I am beautiful. Sometimes comments from mainly family memebrs hurt me to the core but I stand strong. I am fearfully and wonderfully made:) ( side note) I just want to say I love how Kelli takes NO mess on that show!!
Krissy
July 9, 2013 at 11:40 amI think it has a lot to do with people being insecure. I have never cared if a person was skinny of thick or fat or whatever. What business is it of mine? I’m my family we come in all shapes and sizes so I guess it never mattered much to me but it does matter to others. You know those others who feel the need to point out what they feel are your flaws. I’m sure they think doing so makes them feel better but I’m pretty positive it doesn’t.
Kita
July 9, 2013 at 12:09 pmFor me skinny girls are evil because they tease big girls like me and say comments that are hurtful and mean. I have been called every name in the book from skinny girls from elephant to looking like a semi. It’s mean but it comes from both sides and some skinny girls need to know that their counterparts are why a lot of us big women feel insecure and not proud of who we are.
Krissy
July 9, 2013 at 1:27 pmThe confidence has to come from within though. There is nothing anyone could say to me to make me feel insecure about me. I’ve never been small, never will be and it took me a long time to love me for me. But once I started doing that nobody could tell me shit * flips hair*. People have to start being secure in who they are then words won’t have any affect on them.
Cam | Bibs and Baubles
July 9, 2013 at 3:56 pmFlip that hair Krissy!!!!!
Christina
July 9, 2013 at 12:54 pmI’m a “fat” girl, and this drives.me.nuts! I roll my eyes every time i see that “girl, eat a sandwich” and “real women have curves” bullshit. Just because you have body insecurities, or someone else said something bad about you because of your size (no matter the size) doesn’t give you the right to degrade someone! I totally agree with the comment above that it would be a PROB.LEM. if a skinny girl tells a fat girl “girl, you need to eat less, put down that sandwich”, and it’s ok for a fat girl to say the opposite? I think not!
Mrs. Pancakes
July 9, 2013 at 1:45 pmi know i’ve been guilty of saying some of these things to thinner friends….never thought how it may impact someone that i do not know very well or even if my friend if they took it out of context. the “fat” jokes i probably say those to myself now all the time (since having a baby anyway) and it drives the hubby bonkers when i say it. i should know better. i haven’t heard of this show…sounds interesting.
Joy and Sunshine
July 9, 2013 at 4:28 pmI’m so glad you mentioned this! My hubby canNOT stand it if I say anything negative about my looks, size, etc. either. Once when I was going on about how I didn’t think I looked “right” in a particular piece of clothing because of this or that “flaw,” he said, “That doesn’t fit because it just doesn’t fit. It has nothing to do with anything being wrong with your body. Why can’t you see that?” It was definitely a paradigm shift 🙂
Cam | Bibs and Baubles
July 9, 2013 at 3:59 pmI have been slim my whole life and have heard everything you can think of. People tend to think that because you are slim that comments shouldn’t hurt. They do. As a grown woman, I’m secure in who I am and roll my eyes to foolish comments now. On the flip side, growing up and getting my feelings hurt taught me not to do that to others. My friends slim or thick will only hear from me, how beautiful they are.
dea win
July 9, 2013 at 5:21 pmI always envied skinny girls………I wish I had that issue. 🙂
Amanda O"Neal
July 9, 2013 at 8:23 pmI’ve always had the issue of my sister calling me fat and then I realized it was her issue and not mine. I’ve had six kids and weigh 145, to say the least I’m very proud of my size. When I gain weight in my mid section, I pull out the flowy tops, problem solved. We are all beautiful and we all have some form of insecurity. When people are disgusting realize it’s their issue and not yours.
Quiana
July 10, 2013 at 3:41 pmI feel like it’s damned if you do, damned if you don’t! I’ve been on the slim side my whole life and while I did relish in my pregnant booty (!) which promptly shrank after giving birth, ultimately, I’m happy with who I am. It’s all about being comfortable in one own’s skin and if you are you won’t treat others harshly about theirs.
Carissa
July 11, 2013 at 10:18 amI know I have said some of these things to my sister before! And I know when it came back my way it hurts so its not fair to say it either way! Learned first hand! I watch the show too, and I like the show but I HATE the “fat girl talk” all the “I’m hungry” all the conversations in relation to food, grease (she couldn’t handle the small cupcakes) give it a rest…its just sad! Just because you have weight on you doesn’t mean you sit up and eat all the time and I just wish that they would stop..because this is showing the world that all girls with meat on their bones just sit and eat all the time and that’s not the case!!! Next time you watch listen to all the quirky comments about food…its sickening!