I have come to the conclusion that there are two varieties of separation anxiety. There is one type that we know as a child and another one that we encounter as adults.
Most of us are familiar with the version in which we are attempting to sneak out of the door after we have left our child with a caretaker. Limiting the amount of leg hugging, crying and screaming is at the top of our priority list as we attempt to head on our way somewhere.
Then there is the one where we know we need to let go of some things in our lives and it is just down right hard. In this instance we are identical beings to that child that we left behind crying and screaming for us. We are tightly holding onto the leg of something in our past. Clinching for dear life not wanting it to leave us because it is familiar, it is what we know, it is people, places and things that have been an integral part of our lives for so long.
The issue with the adult scenario is sometimes we really do have to let go of old things to get where we are going. We have to come to the realization that some of those things are no longer good for us, or don’t have our best interest at heart.
I am facing this very issue right now. For some time I had a friend that I had a tugging on my heart that I needed to separate myself from. Not that said person was bad but that I was changing as a person and instead of embracing that change and adapting their friendship to me there were lots of questions and statements revolving around the fact that I had changed. Well, I was under the impression that the only constant in life is change so I wasn’t going to stay the same person to appease said person.
I knew the separation needed to occur but I didn’t know how to make it happen. I didn’t know how to approach it, I was just all mental and emotional about it but in the end I knew it had to be done and I prayed that God would make a way.
Ever heard the saying be careful what you pray for because you just might get it.. Yeah. That.
Source: spirituallythinking.blogspot.com via Mimi on Pinterest
Well last week I got it. I got my out and it fell in my lap. Said “friend” did something that was totally disrespectful in their own best interest, and proceeded to come at me with their sob story after we had discussed the action that was performed because this wasn’t the first time.
I am HURT! I have no shame in saying so.
I took this as a lesson to fully embrace change and know that people are indeed in our lives for seasons and reasons. No matter how hard the anxiety falls on us when we know its time to let go we have to fight through it and make those changes.
After I said my piece I felt just that…at PEACE. I am able to walk away knowing I was a great friend. I was loyal, loving and helpful. I lent a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on. I did that…AWL of it.
OH well. You win some, you lose some but in the end I kept true to myself and that’s all that matters.
Have you ever had to break ties with something, or someone? Do you need to?!!
20 Comments
Tia
November 20, 2012 at 11:03 amI am glad you have found peace in your situation. It’s hard letting friends go but like you said a real friend would adapt to the woman that you are becoming and embrace it. She wouldn’t interrogate you about it. Some women are just a mess and there’s nothing we can do but pray for them and move on.
Kita
November 20, 2012 at 11:13 amI don’t usually get close to people so I have only had to separate from 1 person in my entire 30 some odd life. It hurts to this day but I understand she came in my life for a reason and she served her purpose. We all grow and sometimes people don’t grow with us….and some grow against us. Glad you are at peace I have not had peace with the person I let go and I think that’s why it still bothers me.
Rhonda L.
November 20, 2012 at 11:44 amYou are right on time with this one! That’s all I can say about this or a G is about to start tearing up at my desk!!!! Thank you, Mimi!
Krissy
November 20, 2012 at 12:35 pmI’ve had to let go of people a few times in life. It was always for the best. I let go of one when i was 16 and she came back in 2006 slowly. I think she and I have become pretty good friends again. I think we make much better friends as adults than we did as kids.
I truly believe things happen for a reason and I know that your situation is no exception.
P.S We ain’t NEVAH breaking up! Not NEVAH!
Jenni
November 20, 2012 at 1:04 pmI’ve done it before with friends and family. Some of the relationships have been reconciled and are stronger than ever. Some of the relationships are dead forever. I had to learn, at an early age, that it can be a hard thing to do, but the peace of mind is worth it.
Kim
November 20, 2012 at 1:59 pmI love the quote and I completely understand what you’re saying. Sometimes it’s hard to let go of things we need to but in the end once we do we are better people. I was going to write a post about this but just Friday I found out that a lie was told on me 10 years ago! Yes 10 years and I just found out. 2 people got together and came up with this story. This lie was a part of what resulted in a divorce of my good friend a couple months ago. For 10 years she dealt with it because it was constantly put in her face but she couldn’t bring herself to tell me about it until Friday. One of the friends who told the lie on me I was friends with for over 15 years and even Friday before I found out I talked to her and she never let on that she did this to me. That’s one friendship I had to let go even though its hard because I love her dearly but her betrayal was very hurtful. Now I question the other friendship and whether I should let that go too.
BernettaStyle
November 20, 2012 at 3:38 pmIt funny reading this because my BFF actually hurt my feelings TODAY!! Not bad enough to end our friendship but nor was it intentionally done to hurt me… but it just hurts. As for letting others go, I HAVE indeed had to walk away. Most of the time it was when your eyes were finally open to the fact no only have you might have changed BUT THEY SURELY have changed – and not always for YOUR better.
Cam | Bibs & Baubles
November 20, 2012 at 7:56 pmThat’s never easy. Glad you’re at peace. I’ve been there but peace of mind is totally worth it. I truly believe when something dies (in this case, a friendship) something else is given life. When you let that friendship go, you made room for something positive and affirming to grow in its place.
Amber
November 20, 2012 at 11:59 pmI’ve been there, girl! It’s hard. It really is. But it’s worth it. And you realize that…how much your peace of mind is WORTH…man, listen. Ain’t nothin’ like it!
Christina
November 21, 2012 at 1:29 amI have someone that I really should drop, in a big, grand, bridge-burning way, but it will involve a lot collateral damage, and I’m just not there yet.I guess they haven’t pulled my card just yet. :/ I’m trying to decide if the long term peace is worth the drama right now.
Latorsha
November 21, 2012 at 8:14 amI’ve had to separate from friends for various reasons, (relocation, changes in life, etc) and it does hurt. I find comfort in believing that sometimes people are only meant to be in our life for a season because their purpose in our life has been fulfilled. So it is okay that the relationship ends and you move on.
Sorry that yours ended on a sour note, but know people who are meant for your new season will be there. 😉
Carissa
November 21, 2012 at 9:04 amGlad you are at peace! Yes, it feels like you have broken up with someone when its time to separate with a friend. I’ve dealt a lot with this being newly married, and becoming a mom! What I will say is God really works it out, because when I came back home after graduating from college….I had my group of friends-then we started separating once I got in a serious relationship and I noticed that I was losing them but I knew I was on another journey but God put more friends in my life that were headed in the same direction as myself! And I dont think of it as replacing a friend but it is in a sense! It was time to move and he gave me more friends that understood my life now rather than downing me for not doing the stuff I used to do!
TOI
November 21, 2012 at 9:24 amthis resonate so much with me. on yearly basis i prayer God to let get out of my life bad friends and he normally does so. for instance moving into different cities or doing things that doesn’t let me see them too much. i prefer to have small good group of friends than many who are like poison in my life
KalleyC
November 21, 2012 at 10:26 amI know what it feels like to separate from people. I’ve had to do that more than once, and each time it’s not really easy. It is important that you stay true to yourself, and it’s also good that you let them know why you were walking away. When breaking off friendships or relationships with someone, I do the same thing as well. Leave nothing unanswered so that each person can have closure.
Rhonda
November 22, 2012 at 1:10 amI agree! You have to remove things to make room for your blessings that are just waiting in the cut for you!
Tami
November 24, 2012 at 10:29 pmmy hubby just left a few hours ago to head back to work after being home with the family for a week. I hate it when he leaves and heads back up north sometimes for months on end just to provide for us. Its a shame that he has to work out of state just to make more money because in his field it just doesnt pay the same here in the south. I’m struggling tonight and miss him so much. On the upside, he will be back in a few weeks for Christmas yay!
Candace (NYStateofMom)
November 25, 2012 at 4:40 pmSo I need you to really, like seriously GET OUT MY BIDNESS!!! lol I’m wrestling with cutting ties with someone this weekend and I feel like reading this post was meant for me today (I’ll do it! I’ll do it!!). Losing a friendship you really invested in is really hard but when their place in your life is more stress than joy always chose YOU and your sanity and peace first. Glad you got closure and hope the hurt passes.
G K
November 25, 2012 at 7:13 pmOh, yes. Been there done that.
People grow apart. And that’s okay.
And as you pointed out, as long as you know you’ve been loyal and a good friend to someone, it makes it so much easier to walk away. I’m sorry that you had to go through something unfortunate, but it beez that way sometimes. Unfortunately.
Hope you and the fam had a good Thanksgiving.
BossyGirl
November 25, 2012 at 10:30 pmI sure have..It’s hard but you know what my sanity and peace is worth more than any friendship!
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