Sometimes We Are Broken and Need to be Fixed

Source: thecircleproject.com via Mimi on Pinterest

 

I saw this posted on Pinterest the other day and with the likings of a reflex I hit repin under the premise that people need to learn to deal with us just the way we are, or kick rocks. For some reason I found myself still contemplating this quote nearly an hour later except at that time I likened it to something that the Mr. is always saying to me…

” You aren’t a real friend at times. You tell people what they want to hear, not what they need to hear”

Hmmm…He may be right, but let me explain. When it comes to folks and their lives, marriage, kids etc. my name is Bennett and I ain’t in it. I will listen, say a few unh huhs and keep it moving. People will do what they want to do and I am not in the mood to mess up a friendship with my opinion on an issue that has nothing to do with me.

We all know that one person who will talk your ears off about their problems you say your piece and they continue on with their foolery. That is 20 minutes of time, breath and sanity that you can’t regain. I refuse unless it is a safety issue.

On the other hand I see the Mr.’s point. When we sit back quietly and not in the least bit say girl it’s not them its you, we are in essence being a bad friend. If we don’t stand up and speak the truth and say friend, those 1,409 men that you have dated that all ran the other way, it wasn’t them it was you, we are slightly condoning their belief that nothing is wrong with them, it’s everybody else. If that is indeed the fact we are hurting them cause man number 1,410 and so on is going to do the same thing if they have an awful character flaw that needs to be exposed.

I can see how our silence really is a hindrance when people are really requesting our true feelings and thoughts on a situation. Our silence on an issue in response to someone who is really looking for an answer can easily be misconstrued as validation on their behalf. When in reality we are like girrrrlllll you can’t be serious but instead of saying that we go along with it or just say a trite unh huh and look for a way to get off the phone.

I would say the remedy to this is to tread lightly and edit your thoughts before unleashing the truth or at least YOUR truth on the matter. People will do with it what they will, but at least you will feel like you put in your say on the matter.

Now, I am a firm believer in the fact that if your opinion was not requested…please keep yo’ mouth shut it to yourself!!!

I have only been on this earth 33 years and I don’t have a ton of knowledge but I do know sometimes we are indeed broken and we do need to be fixed. True friends will know this and will help us get to a good place, the thing is we have to be open to it.

I’ll say it. I’m broken on many levels but I have those handy girls that will come to the rescue and help me fix it, but I am open to constructive criticism. Are you?! Will you hand it out if asked, or do you tend to tread lightly like me?

About the author
Mom, wife and friend. I moonlight as a cooker, baker, laundry folder and organizer. I like to think I do it in style. Unlikely Martha is my contribution to the internet in helping women "Keep House and Stay Fly!"

12 Comments

  1. I only give my opinion if asked. Now if you are my true or real friend I will say something to you without being asked but that is only reserved for people whom I have known for years. I don’t bite my tongue for anyone and I tend to sometimes hurt peoples feelings with the truth. I am learning how to say things nicer…….I have been doing good on that front lately.

  2. I’m the person that has had to learn to just keep my mouth shut, or at least not to expect people to actually take advice. I’m not into anybody’s business unless they ask, but my mom always told me that people who truly love are willing to help you become better. Now if we’ve talked about the same topic numerous times and I know you’re just going to go and do the same foolishness no matter what I will just shut my mouth and shake my head, because yes, I refuse to waste my time on someone who doesn’t WANT to be fixed.
    Brandyne recently posted..Mani Monday

  3. I only want the best for my friends so I tell them the truth. But like you said, some don’t want to hear it and keep doing the same thing and getting the same results. I am not perfect but it takes some time for me to digest constructive criticism. I get caught up in, your not listening to me (if you don’t agree with me).
    .
    Baby Shopaholic recently posted..Macy’s Pink Pig is Here!

  4. You’re right about when it comes to marriage and kids and things. People, no matter how close, takes offense to your suggestions or opinions. I try to only give advice when I am asked. I usually don’t offer unless I am really worried or concerned. Now for my brother, I always give advice because he is my only brother. Even when I know he wont listen, I fuss and give hard advice. But sometimes you need to hear the truth. I will offer suggestions of deodorant or hygiene products if I think they need to freshen up!! LOL!
    Rhonda recently posted..The Winning Dress

    1. So when you said you will offer suggestion for deodorant, my mind immediately went to the lady in the pharmacy and your husband. LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!

  5. I think Kita makes a good point in how it is executed…people can get real touchy, real quick. Especially if they perceive what you are telling them in a way that makes them feel like you are being rude or uppity. But I am one that will tell you, especially if you ask.
    Melisa – Mommy This and That recently posted..Happy Birthday

  6. I tread lightly. If I am asked my opinion by a really close friend then I’ll be completely honest with her. People will still do what they want anyway and I don’t like thinking that my criticism might keep ringing in their heads. That’s why I NEVER give my honest opinion about my friend’s boyfriends. I just let the relationships run their course. If you say something bad about him and they end up married your friend will always remember the negative thing you said. I think I’m open to constructive criticism but I hardly ever ask friends their opinion. I talk to my Mom and my stepMom and Jesus. They never steer me wrong.
    Tia recently posted..My Natural Hair: A Twist Out

  7. I have wondered about this myself. I tend to only offer my opinion when asked. I think sometimes I am too concerned with hurting others feelings and like you said think my lack of input is mistaken for agreement or validation. I am working on being more honst thoug.

    1. I am too. I think I always edit my thoughts so much to the point that I have watered down what I am attempting to say to them. I know some topics are so fragile and I just don’t want to hurt a friendship. Its a thin line!

  8. I think I am the opposite of you, because I have been known to LET A SISTAH KNOW!! After she tells me her story of course. I just didn’t hold back. I let you know what I thought, because that is what I want. If I tell you my business (which I don’t tell many people) then I want honest feedback. BUT WHOA horsey… sometimes more than others it has back fired because you quickly learn they didn’t want the truth, but wanted the ummm hummm you are right. So, I started just keeping my mouth shut. But the people that really know me – now know when I am real silent after they finish speaking that I do have something to say. Then they just say, “What B! I know you have something to say, Just say it!” Geesh.
    bernettastyle recently posted..Atlanta Diaper Relief Holiday Toys & Diaper Party!

  9. I’ve learned, through trial and error, when to speak and when to keep quiet. Sometimes, a friend just wants you to listen and give a hug. Sometimes, they want advice, and sometimes they want confirmation that what they are doing is the right thing to do. It’s hard! I want people to tell me when I’m wrong. Even if I’m mad and don’t agree. Because the fact that a trusted friend is telling me that I’m wrong will make me think. Family on the other hand, I just tell it like it is. They don’t have to like me, it’s family. They’ll get over it. 🙂

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