*It’s Monday with Mimi. Go check me out over at Mami 2 Mommy*
Now. For some of you upon reading the title you knew exactly what this post was going to be about. For those of you not familiar with the phrase ” Let me hold something”, let me explain.
Let me hold something: A term exchanged between family members or close friends to mean, can I borrow some money (no interest included). If you are on the receiving end of this question payback is unlikely and dependent on the borrower. In a nutshell do not lend it if you do not have it to give.
So now that we are all on the same page, my wonderful blog readers I ask you when does lending money cross the line from being helpful to becoming an ATM machine? The Mr. and I are continually clashing on this topic. I understand times are hard and people may need a little help but when is enough… enough.
I don’t come from a very tight knit family, so his argument is I don’t have strong familial ties that would allow me to understand the great feeling that comes from helping out family members in need. He just might be right, I agree with helping SOMETIME but continually being called on is a bit aggravating. Do you agree? How I see it is if someone always needs to borrow money they need to reevaluate their priorities and make some adjustments that are more conducive to their wage level.
I’ve asked a number of people their opinions on this matter and I have heard everything from a person should feel blessed to be in the giving position no matter how often it happens because God loves a cheerful giver, to if the person asks and you can spare it and its in your purse still say NO. I’m on the fence.
What are your thoughts. Should people become walking ATM machines and loan officers out of “obligation” or put their foot down and stop enabling folks and instead educate them to make changes to their lifestyle that will allow for them to take care of their own affairs without counting other people’s dollars in their equation.
Any likeness in this post to events in my personal life in the past, present or future, may or may not be coincidental….BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
10 Comments
Nikki
April 4, 2011 at 7:12 amYears ago a family member asked my husband and I for some money to help them with a down payment of a house. This was even before we brought our own house! When he told them that we were not in a position to help them they said, “Come on, you know you sitting on G’s!” We still laugh about that to this day!
We make it a rule not to lend money unless we can afford to think of it as a gift! This way if we don’t get it back it doesn’t break our bank or ruin the relationship with that person and if we do get it back it is a bonus!
Mimi
April 4, 2011 at 8:13 amA downpayment? That’s bold. However, when people get their mind set on something they will try to make it happen no matter how ridiculous it sounds to other people.
Christina
April 4, 2011 at 9:15 amWith us, you have to tell us what you need it for. If you can’t do that, you ain’t holdin’ a thing from our pockets. if your fridge is empty and you have kids, or your lights are about to be cut off, we’ll pay the bill, or take you to the store for the groceries, but we won’t put money in your hand. We’re not in the business of enabling grown, capable adults. I agree that if you’re ALWAYS needing to borrow money, your priorities may need to be reevaluated. I had a little situation before where I took a chick (she isn’t just a chick, but to protect the not so innocent….) To the store and bought milk and diapers for her child. She asked me to take her to the gas station, and this girl goes in and buys cigarettes. So you have money for that, but not what your child needs? Mmmkay.
Mimi
April 4, 2011 at 11:58 amNow I never thought to actually pay the bill for them. I guess that will curb the asking if they aren’t using the money for what they say the need it for.
Kita
April 4, 2011 at 10:19 amI agree with Christina I don’t put the money in your hand if you need something from the store or a bill paid I will pay the bill or take you to the store. I have never let anyone borrow money that I need back if I give it in the back of my mind I know I may not get it back. Now my hubby on the other hand will take food out of our mouth and give to his family members whenever they call and they call often. As a matter of fact they just called us to borrow some gas money and I had to say no. I had to put a stop to that mess and to this day thats probably one of the reasons they don’t like me I took away their meal ticket.
YUMMommy
April 4, 2011 at 1:34 pmGod does love a cheerful giver, but He also says to help those who ‘CANNOT’ help themselves. If these persons can help themselves by making changes to their lifestyles then it is time to stop playing ATM machine. I feel like if you can get your hair done using your own money or rock the latest fashion without it being gifted then please don’t come to me with your hand out when your bills are due or you need to buy diapers.
I know all to well about the let me hold something syndrome. I had to cut one of my family members off because of that. Every time I turned around this person was asking me to put minutes on their phone, buy them a plane ticket home, and they didn’t even gas money to put in my tank! I think that coming from a close knit family I learned that some family members will use that excuse to prey on your kindness. I don’t allow any of my family members or close friends to use me. If I see the pattern I quickly put them at a distance and eventually cut them off if they can’t it together. I will get used by enough strangers in my lifetime, I don’t need to get bamboozled by own blood.
krissy
April 4, 2011 at 2:07 pmI never leand more than I can spare to lose. If I have enough to spare and you need it I’ll probably give it to you but that’s just how I am. When a person comes to me often with their hands out they slowly get cut off because I am no ones bank and I don’t like feeling used.
Candace
April 4, 2011 at 10:01 pm‘Never a lender nor borrower be’ If you are a good friend or close family member with a TRUE need, like you need to pay a bill or your child’s trip or something and payday is not for another week or so, FINE other than that CAN I HOLD SOMETHING! lol You have to measure each case.
lynn
April 22, 2011 at 11:46 amFirst, I don’t know why I am not receiving updates on your blog like I once did? I will figure that out in a minute.
Second, shut it down! I agree, no one should act like they have a personal ATM machine. Borrow and Give are very different things. I have a friend who says she never lends more than she can afford to GIVE. Meaning, she always assumes she is not getting the money back!
My MR’s “baby mama” is always asking to “borrow” money or get an advance on her child support payment! Wait, OR borrow the car/truck? Is that going too far??? I think so, please share your thoughts!!!!!!
besos, lynn
besos,lynn
Mimi
April 23, 2011 at 12:47 pmDid you type borrow the car? Uhh, that reminded me of the scene when the girl in Friday asked Ice Cube to borrow his car. ABSOLUTELY NOT! You can’t be serious. Yes that is going waaaaayyyyy to far!