the real?

I get perplexed at the tizzy people send themselves into ranting about how people who share on blogs and social media only share the good parts of their lives and not the bad. How my thought process is set up, after 36.5 years on this earth I know there is not O N E person walking God’s green earth that hasn’t had some level of difficulty or struggle in their lives. Not O N E.

I know this, so what I don’t need for you to do is get on your social media outlet of choice and broadcast it for everyone to know. I mean what good does that do me, knowing that you are struggling in your marriage or your child is failing in school. Unless I have a hand to lend you, really and truly this information is none of my business.

For the sake of discussion, I will say that I totally get the whole looking at others and feeling some kind of way about where you are in life. It seems so and so is always traveling and their kids are in the best schools, and they drive a nice car and don’t have to work. B L A H. B L A H. B L A H.

I get it. I’ve been there. Honestly and truly there were many years of my life where I just couldn’t put the blinders on. Couldn’t do it. I just knew that my husband and I were the only ones struggling in our tiny little house, with our meager pay, driving our basic cars, living subpar to our college classmates who seemed to have it all together. For years I battled with feelings of inferiority and jealousy, but my difference was I fought my battles internally where it counted. I didn’t side eye folks, or make passive aggressive suggestions towards them because my feelings and issues were just that….M I N E.

After my mother died, and I literally drug myself through the grief process I realized that for S I X long years I was keeping myself in a rut, and I made the decision to get out and live. I prayed that God would remove those feelings from me and give me the strength to not just smile in people’s faces but really feel deep and genuine happiness for them. I made it a point to take good care of the things that we had and genuinely be okay with where we were even though it wasn’t where I wanted to be.

Through all of my turmoil, I’m surprised my husband didn’t kick me to the curb. He never let my insecurities rattle him, to this day he always tells me, “Slow and steady, when we get there I want to stay there.”

I did the work. I became okay with me. I became a prayer warrior and genuine cheerleader for others. I got there. I still have my moments but I remind myself that really and truly it can all be viewed as smoke and mirrors or  I can choose to subconsciously know that people are fighting battles and a little good news on their part might encourage me to keep pushing or I can choose to let it make me jealous. Same with the content I post, however none of the conclusions people make based on what I share here or anywhere else regarding my life has anything to do with me, this is  M Y life.

So. A college friend of mine did something on FB yesterday that made me smile, and the comments further let me know that some people aren’t there yet when it comes to putting the blinders on and being okay with where they are, cause we’ve all been there. She took the highlights from her life reel and gave the story behind it and I thought it was amazing.

So for the issue of transparency and because some people just have to know the test behind the testimony…Here we go. I’m taking these from smart @ss comments that I’ve heard people say to me in the most passive aggressive manners ever over the years.

“Whatever, it’s not like you have to go to work everyday.”

Real: No, I don’t have to GO to work, but I do work.  There are months where I don’t make any money and he rarely complains. He would like for me to take a full time job so that we can save more for retirement but respects my decision to find a position that fits with our family dynamic. I haven’t found it yet, but I’m looking, and some days I get discouraged at the fact that my personal endeavors are not popping at the level yet where this is a none issue.

Test: In the beginning when he was getting on his feet I paid all of the bills, and then the majority, and then a few

“Y’all got that big ole house over there. Must be nice.”

Real: It is, we wiped out our savings getting here.  After two years we are just getting to a place of financial stability. The journey has taught us to save and invest, so moving forward I’ve learned to put our money where it counts and that’s not in the store.

Test: This was our first house, and we had to short sell it to get here. After having saved a whole lot of money in just under 2 years we were $5,000 short in reserve money a few days before closing. In a conversation with a good friend of mine I was in tears telling her that we had saved nearly 6X that amount and were looking at a dead deal because we didn’t have any more money to give toward the house. Before I could finish she said she would lend it to us and within a day I had it. THAT is a friend.

Bittersweet. We are leaving our first home behind. It hurts a little, however growth and change are necessary. God is good!! #movingup

A photo posted by M I M I (@unlikelymartha) on Aug 8, 2013 at 8:03am PDT

“You do the most with your children, I’m trying to be like you Supermom.”

Real: This sh*t burns me up. Yes, I do the most with my children and make not one apology. It doesn’t take a ton of money to give your children experiences. We mostly parent how we were parented and my parents made sure I saw things and traveled.

Test: For a long time my personal struggles, sheer laziness and finances kept me from doing as much with my children. They didn’t ask to be here, I’m their Mom and it is my job to expose them to more so that they can have an open mind.

“Everybody ain’t able.”

Real: Yes, everybody is able to live happily at their level. Stay in your lane.

Test: I used to think I wasn’t able. A few times a week I still think I’m not able but I know better and push through anyway

“Y’all can’t be that happy. No marriage is perfect.”

Real: Who said the marriage was perfect. We’ve been married for 10 years, and have been beyond broke and made it. If we still have major things to fight about at this point then we need to rethink this.

Test: We’ve gone through it, never dealing with infidelity but more financial turmoil,  getting through my grief process and personal growth issues . We stayed the course and got here. We make no apologies. He is my soulmate.

While this was all in fun, it was just as serious. It is my hope that by me sharing these little tidbits you know that our little family started off struggling and if an unexpected bill hits we will be back in the same boat but we know these struggles are temporary. We aren’t balling but we’re good, our children are good and life is simple just how we like it.  The real struggle is in our minds. So the next time you see that person that is so called “bragging” consider they may have already conquered their private hell and are really and truly in a good place. Not everyone lives a miserable existence some people are genuinely happy and shouldn’t have to hide that. Maybe people should just hide them on social media and carry on.

Anything else you want to know?!