Life – Page 14 – Unlikely Martha

Life• NaBloPoMo• Rant

Oh Ye of Little Faith

I have mentioned previously that I really would like to move into a new home. Our home is very cozy, however when we purchased it, we planned on only living here for 3 years max and then allowing my mother to stay when we moved on to a bigger home.

Well you know how the saying goes about planning. After my mother died 3 years ago, the market started heading down hill and I just wasn’t coherent enough to contemplate a move at that time so we stayed and now at 5 years it is time to move.

The Mr. and I decided today that we would start the process and if everything is a go that we would start looking at the beginning of the year. This makes me nervous. Just like me to want something to happen and then when it could possibly come to fruition I get scared.

Then I started thinking. Is it our time. I only thought this because I have seen so many people insist that God made a way for them to do XYZ and they forge ahead only to find themselves in a big ‘ole mess. Me and my over analytical self thinks often that people confuse God’s voice with their own.

See. IN MY OPINION, if God brings you something it will be smooth sailing. No need to rob Peter to pay Paul or leave ends untied. Then the other half of me says that God will bring you something that has trials and tribulations tied to it to prove that He can fix all things. I don’t know. I’m just rambling. But I’m tired of folks living above their means on the premise that God said it and then its a sob story when they can’t make their ends meet.

That being said. I want to move, but I’m a little scared. We’re comfortable. What do utilities look like in a bigger home, what will we do with our current home. Will we have a good tenant. What if they don’t pay.

I need to have faith in God. If He opens this door, I’ll make sure we stay below our means. I think He would honor that as being grateful instead of being greedy.

What’s your take. A door opens, do you run right through or do you think maybe God is testing you to use your discernment and that there just might be something better if you use patience instead of haste? I’m listening

Told you this everyday blogging would get random.

19 Comments

Life• Me• Mompreneur

Motivationally Challenged

If knowing is half the battle then I’m halfway to victory. After extensive soul searching, I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m lazy. Lazy might be a little harsh, let’s say time management deficient.

My moniker of choice is “I don’t have enough time.” If I might keep it “real”, truth is I for the most part have the time to do what I want and need to do, its just that I choose not to use my time wisely. If its something I would rather not do, I will put it off and put it off until it becomes a source of stress for me. Sounds like procrastination on top of the time management deficiency. I got problems.

Sooooo what do I do about this teeeeeeny imperfection of mine? *shrugs* Somedays I’m on it, other days not so much. I have big dreams and the truth of the matter is if I can’t wrangle my laziness time management deficiency/procrastination issues and will myself to do things when I don’t feel like it, how will I obtain those goals. I guess my desire isn’t as strong as my will and I have a major problem with that. Getting it together is at the top of my list….the one that I have a hard time following. I’mma get it together. Starting this week. For real. Like as in today. Making a schedule and sticking to it. The revolution will be “blogarized” on Friday. Wish me well. I WILL do this. *writes down weekly agenda*

How do you push yourself to get things done when you just d*%n don’t feel like it?

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Life• Me• Mompreneur

It’s About the Possibilities

As I prepare my mind to embark on a new week, I can’t help but feel a little overwhelmed not only at the things I must do this week, but more perplexed by the things that I wish to accomplish. Despite my strong desire to step out on a ledge and pursue a lofty goal my mind is telling me I can’t get it done. Not because I don’t have the time, but because my mind is singing the tune of fear of rejection and pending failure. I’m dreaming big and with big dreams come work, and with work comes discipline and to be honest at times I am more like the wayward disobedient child to the things that my mind tells me I can do.

Sitting down on Saturday evening I came across an article in MORE magazine written by Kathryn Stockett who is the author of the best seller The Help. In summary the author explains how she received nearly 60 rejections for her manuscript but she never gave up. She explained how she would lie to her husband and friends and would sneak off to hotels on the weekends so she could write. She felt the need to do so in an effort to not explain why after so many rejections she believed in her work and was going to keep at it until somebody saw her vision.

I felt her on this. I find myself muting my dreams of growth for Divinitee and other business aspirations for fear of what some people might say..okay and setting out to do something and failing. FAILURE is a huge thing with me.

Out of the entire article the following passage spoke to me.

“The point is, I can’t tell you how to succeed. But I can tell you how not to: Give in to the shame of being rejected and put your manuscript-or painting, song, voice, dance moves, [insert passion here] – in the coffin that is your bedside drawer and close it for good. I guarantee you that it won’t take you anywhere. Or you could do what this writer did: Give in to your obsession instead. And if your friends make fun of you for chasing your dream, remember- just lie.”

On that note, I’m going to take a stab at it and if I have to lie to your face I will!

What will you set out to accomplish this week that fear says you can’t do?

Have a great week!

9 Comments

Life• Soapbox

Oxymoron?

Lately my mind space has been occupied with a dilemma I’ve been having regarding my relationship with another individual. In the past, said person has spewed some pretty hurtful words and even more shady actions. After receiving what I felt was a heartfelt apology about their uncouth behavior and lack of civility, I was under the impression that we could indeed move on as friends and not look back at the past.

Wrong.

Lately, this person has been trying to reach out to me and I am feeling myself becoming enraged about the whole situation all over again. I hate reliving the past. I truly believe in the whole let bygones be bygones thing. I mean how can you ever move forward if you keep looking in the rearview mirror.

So here’s the deal. I am thinking that I am still upset because I never got to say my piece. I listened to their side of the story, and let it be. Although the relationship was never like it once was, it has been functional. Phone calls, emails, texts, social media, you know the story. I never felt like I needed to justify my feelings, so I didn’t. I didn’t solicit an apology it was brought to me. So now, some time later I am finding myself upset again. I mean so upset that I can’t answer the phone or have any contact with the person. It is not going to be too much longer that I can continue on this way based on the level of our association.

Here’s where you come in.

Do I reach out to the person and let them know why I was initially upset?

Do I totally get over myself, and force myself to move on. After all I had the opportunity to say my piece and I didn’t?

Do I throw the deuces, whip my hair back and forth and give them the *side eye* if they continue to try reaching out?

I am really thinking I should pray about it and ask God to allow me to fully forgive them and move on as normal without opening my mouth…easier said than done.

Is it really possible to forgive AND forget?

Whatchu say?!

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