Unlikely Martha
Lil Man Parenting

NOT Living Vicariously Through My Son

My son decided he didn’t want to play football this year.

I really wanted him to.

Remember last year my endless ramblings about how those 3 times a week practices were wrecking my flow and how every time we turned around they needed $10 for socks and $30 for a sweatshirt. Remember?

No? Well go back and read there’s some good stuff the further down you scroll. I digress.

Well the thing is I was looking forward to football season. Chatting with the other moms at practice,  starting out the season baking in the sun during practice and totally appreciating the cool breeze as the fall progressed. Wearing my shirt….All of that.

..but he doesn’t want to play. It was my thought to make him play when the Mr. put his foot down and reminded me that he is old enough to know what he likes and doesn’t and that if he doesn’t want to play, we won’t be making him.

<insert sad face>

As parents there comes that time when our children become independent and can really tell us what they want and it really tests our limits of parental superiority. Sure we could make him play but then he would be miserable while I’m eating funnel cakes, chasing Addison around and shooting the breeze with the other moms.

So I’m off to find him another fall sport and hopefully I’ll bond with the other moms on the team. After all that’s the main reason why I wanted him to play in the first place. I’m so selfish, but isn’t that the basis most of the time for us pushing our agendas on our children.

I should probably speak for myself!!

Here’s some news though…He will NOT be quitting piano. I mean that. See, he plays so well doesn’t he?!!

Have you ever made your child play a sport or instrument etc. against their will. What was your rationale?



You Might Also Like...


  • Reply
    July 5, 2012 at 7:55 am

    We haven’t gotten to that point yet, but we do want our daughter to take defensive classes. I’m sure it’s something that she doesn’t want to do, but I do know it will be good for her. As to when we will start that…I have no idea.
    KalleyC recently posted..I Swore I Would Never Do This

  • Reply
    Kristin B
    July 5, 2012 at 9:31 am

    I’m going to miss you guys so much!

  • Reply
    July 5, 2012 at 9:46 am

    Aww, I’m sure he’ll pick up another sport. Great job on the piano!
    Aracely recently posted..Happy 4th of July

  • Reply
    July 5, 2012 at 9:52 am

    I think putting him in something else is good. This will probably be our last year playing football (if we let our son play) next year we will try baseball. I want him to find a passion in something and we will see if football is it this year because last year he sat on the bench.

  • Reply
    July 5, 2012 at 10:08 am

    We might be getting ready to cross that bridge with Moo. She wants to take dance lessons. And my biggest worry is that she’ll start and then hate it. I would hate to waste all that money. But at the same time I’m sure I would feel bad about making her continue if she didn’t like it.

    Guess, we’ll have to see what happens. And I think encouraging him to stick with piano is a good idea. It’ll give him a creative outlet to channel himself. Not to mention, I hear that kids who play instruments tend to do better in school.
    YUMMommy recently posted..Thankful Thursday

  • Reply
    July 5, 2012 at 10:39 am

    We made our son tryout for football. He was so against it. Our rationale was that he should at least give it a chance. He did and didn’t like it. We wasted tryout money.

    Hugs and Mocha,
    Stesha recently posted..Fireworks & Anniversaries

    • Reply
      July 5, 2012 at 5:14 pm

      Wasted money is the bright side of this ordeal. The fee this year was $225.

  • Reply
    Alicia @Mommy Delicious
    July 5, 2012 at 2:16 pm

    You are so funny with your “Isn’t that the basis of us pushing things on our children?” LOL. I know how you feel though. My son says he doesn’t want to play soccer anymore. I still want him to though, so I’m going to push it for one more season. THEN, if he really doesn’t like it, I’ll help him find something else.
    Alicia @Mommy Delicious recently posted..Hip Hop 4 Life’s Shades of Beauty Women of Inspiration Brunch and Awards Ceremony

    • Reply
      July 5, 2012 at 5:13 pm

      That’s what we said about football. We said he would do one more year, then…… Yet at $225 there is no room for him to get out there and act a fool so here we are.

      I think they need sports more for the teamwork aspect. I think last year it became too competitive and a lot of the children on the team decided not to play. I think they took the fun factor out of it.

  • Reply
    July 5, 2012 at 3:10 pm

    I understand this post all too well. I was (strikeout was and replace with “am”) that mom. He plays the piano very well. How did you get him interested? I’m the youngest of 9 and growing up we ALL played an instrument (goes to search for my clarinet) and I want to get my son on the musical train. Any tips? He’s 6.

    • Reply
      July 5, 2012 at 5:10 pm

      I didn’t give him a choice. He’s been playing since he was 4. That was one thing I wanted for him from the time he was born. I will not budge on that because I know the possibilities for him getting a scholarship and being able to supplement his income when he gets older.

      Honestly often it is a fight to get him to do right. He has his days and when he has them, I let him slide and try not to force it on him because he enjoys it and I want him to continue to enjoy it. I would say introduce it but make sure you find a great teacher that makes it fun. My teacher used to crack my knuckles! Adrian’s teacher is great with children and it shows in their performance. I think now would be a great age to start. I think I may have started him too early. Alot of the things he learned then we are having to reteach because I don’t think he level of comprehension was all that great at 4.

      • Reply
        July 6, 2012 at 8:41 am

        Good point! You can definitely financially maximize on the ability to play the piano. I see high school, college, adulthood, teaching and tutoring in his future. I feel that way about tennis as well as instruments. There are a ZILLION scholarships just waiting to be picked up for African Americans that can play tennis. Well, for now, I will continue to pray about the instrument playing part and focus on swim lessons! Now, I’m NOT playing with the swim lessons. That is a LIFE skill : ).
        Patrice recently posted..Venue Annoucement!!

  • Reply
    Prototype Mama
    July 5, 2012 at 3:20 pm

    I soooo agree with your husband— I wish my husband would think like that….. being that he is a sports performance trainer— he feels that our boys ( all three of them) should be in every sport imaginable just because they are athletic— I disagree– numerous time my oldest son has came to me and said that he doesn’t want to play baseball because he doesn’t enjoy it and I try to reason with the hubster about it but he thinks he should play just because he’s super fast and the coaches keep telling him how baseball is my boy’s sport— its so draining debating with his big head self but this year— I’m so no bueno to all the extra stuff. This is year when I want to zone in on their individual talents and invest in what makes them happy 🙂 —-

    Sorry about the rambling but I was just thinking about this 🙂
    Prototype Mama recently posted..Find your light, Dont hide from what you are

    • Reply
      July 5, 2012 at 5:17 pm

      I think that is the general consensus of most men. Last year that was my husband. Forcing him and I think it backfired. I am kind of glad he decided not to force it because we both knew that wasn’t his thing he was only doing it for us..

      I know someone like that and I wonder if his son really loves football the way he proclaims. I just hate that only sports are pushed on boys and their artistic sides are never nurtured.

  • Reply
    Roses Daughter
    July 6, 2012 at 2:13 pm

    Aww! Good for you guys in recognizing that football is not his thing right now. Who knows? He could change his mind in a couple of years!
    I haven’t crossed this bridge yet , but I think next spring, we’ll try baseball. And only because the child loves loves baseball now. I’m interested to see how he does in a group sports setting!
    And I’m already thinking about what instrument to get him into. LOL
    Roses Daughter recently posted..Motherhood at 2 1/2….

  • Reply
    Dani @ Ok, Dani
    July 8, 2012 at 3:09 pm

    John and I have been discussing what we’d get our son into before he was born. Martial arts is the only thing we agree on. When the day comes that he says he hates whatever activity…we’ll move on to the next. There are a million things to try, hopefully he’ll find one to be passionate about.
    Dani @ Ok, Dani recently posted..Happy 4th!

  • Reply
    July 9, 2012 at 8:13 am

    Yeah, I’m not there yet but my mom wants my son involved in EVERYTHING and I can see this is not going to end up pretty. The piano is amazing and that is one skill you should fight for! And yes, I can’t wait to get mommy friends from my kids sports. No shame in my game.
    Nellie recently posted..BAM Book Review: An Accidental Affair by Eric Jerome Dickey

  • Reply
    Mrs. Pancakes
    July 9, 2012 at 9:38 am

    My son isnt even born yet and I have him
    Playing tennis and going on the tennis tour circuit…talk about living vicariously through someone!!

  • Reply
    July 9, 2012 at 9:44 am

    Uuughh. I fear that we maybe getting crossing that time as well and my lil one is only four 🙁
    We only want the best for our kids, huh? Good for you for being supportive of his choice, I know, it’s still sad though.

  • Reply
    July 10, 2012 at 7:24 pm

    Right now our son has to do karate and swim lessons, he is 5 and we believe he needs to stick with them. We also have him do soccer and baseball, which he seems to like. If he didn’t want to do either of those, we would most likely find something else. I think exposure is key to helping them find their comfort zone.
    Latorsha recently posted..Sometimes you gotta CHECK yourself!

  • Reply
    July 11, 2012 at 2:02 pm

    Not able to see the video but I think playing an instrument is vital. I played the piano from about age 3 to 12 and loved it. My parents were great about getting me and my 3 siblings to try lots of different activities to find our strengths. My sisters turned out to be super talented in track and field from a young age and my parents saw that, honed it and they ended up with athletic scholarships! Right now my husband and I have noticed our daughter is gifted in dance and music even at the age of 2 – we look forward to cultivating her talent gently, but if she on her own shows an interest in something else I know we’ll gladly change.
    Quiana recently posted..How Mrs. Love Bird Launches (And Something Free for Brides-to-Be!)

  • Reply
    Weekend Wrap Up » Lipgloss and Binky
    August 20, 2012 at 12:07 pm

    […] evening I went out to the park to kick it with one of my football mom homies…NO I’m not salty my son isn’t playing. Addison just needed to get out and stretch her legs and run. After we came home my bestie stopped […]

  • Reply
    October 5, 2012 at 6:27 am

    I think you are doing the right thing by letting nim quite football and not letting him quite piano too. I agree he is old enough to know what he doesn’t like but he is not old enough to understand sometimes we don’t like things but we have to do them so we can do the things we do like. Piano is something you are better of taking when you are young football you can pick up at anytime.

    • Reply
      October 5, 2012 at 6:30 am

      Sorry for the typos I hit send before reading it over.

  • Reply
    April 18, 2013 at 4:16 am

    My kids are too young, but I can totally see myself attempting this as they get older. I will remember this post though and not….
    GoodLooknOut recently posted..More GOOD Giveaway’s

  • Reply
    The Hypocritical Football Mom | Lipgloss & Binky
    July 18, 2013 at 6:05 am

    […] play football when he brought it to our attention that he didn’t want to play. I even wrote a post about the whole dilemma that got featured on BlogHer and I was heralded for being a great mother for […]

Leave a Reply

CommentLuv badge