Unlikely Martha
Lil Man Parenting

Quiet as a Church Mouse

…children are to be seen and not heard. Can I get a virtual show of hands from those who were raised with that mantra. Let me do one better, remember going to visit the nice lady’s house and before you got there your mother told you not to accept anything and the lady insists on cutting you a piece of pie, you get the *side eye* from your mom but head to the kitchen hand in hand with the nice lady anyway. Yeah, those were the days.

So my son, has started talking back…at five. Must.get.the.last.word. So much to the point that we are having to devise a strategy. I do believe in discipline but not for everything #newagemama.  When I was a child, I was very opinionated and outspoken but my mother shut that spirit in me down every chance she got. She was old school, she laid down the law and it was so. As a teenager, screaming back and forth was the name of the game. I was disobedient, and retaliated to her not listening by doing exactly what she told me not to do.  There was never a discussion only screaming matches that fell on deaf ears for both her and I. As far back as I can remember I always felt like she never listened to me, until I became an adult and then still not so much.

Some believe children should only do as they are told, and truly don’t have a voice. Well maybe its the rebel in me rearing its ugly head again, but whenever I raise my voice at him, its almost like I hear my mother yelling at me, and I don’t like it. I have been thinking, and will discuss it with the Mr. maybe instead of silencing his need to be heard, we will create an enviroment conducive to him getting his point across and then as civilized parents and not screaming people we will attempt to explain the logic in what we are telling him to do. Maybe if he understood why he needs to go to bed early, or why its not cool to push the baby’s swing as high as it can go with her in it (true story) he will refrain from naughty activities and think before he acts.

Scarlett Mommy & Belly 4_25_10-105
Yes, he has quite the personality and the mouth to back it up

No, I’m not joking, I’m for real. Are you implementing a “new fangled” approach to discipline or are you keeping it “old school”. Have you dealt with this? I’m interested in hearing your method. We don’t judge around these parts..the mic is open!

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  • Reply
    AO xoxxo
    December 14, 2010 at 6:35 am

    I wish I had good advice for you! But I am not qualified to give advice on this! 🙂
    I know my parents would have tried to explain to me when I was little that talking back is not acceptable, why it is not acceptable, and they are the parents and I have to do what they say!
    Good luck!

  • Reply
    December 14, 2010 at 7:55 am

    I try to combine a bit of both. For some situations such as talking back I keep it old school because even the young tender age of two, Moo is already testing my authority. However, I try to explain to her what I need her to do before hand in an effort to eliminate the back talk or direct refusal. I also use a soft non-confrontational voice (75% of the time at least) when disciplining her.

    I don't want her to associate anger with punishment and think that I only punish her to get back at her. She needs to know that punishment is used to teach her right from wrong. I also try to overlook somethings because I know a certain part of her misbehaving is just part of her being a toddler still. I don't want to get her for everything. You have to find a balance that will work for your family.

  • Reply
    Lisa Fergus
    December 14, 2010 at 8:20 am

    I'm not there yet! My 2 year old is in speech therapy and does not talk yet. You're scaring me though! 😉 I should probably have a plan for this huh?! I'm thinking maybe a bit of both, I mean how rational can a 5 year old be?!

  • Reply
    K. Rock
    December 14, 2010 at 9:22 am

    I wouldn't consider the hubs and I newfangled but we do use similar tactics as you. We are also very logical and we try to explain the situation to them, whatever it may be. Sometimes that is enough to soothe their little baby souls, but sometimes it isn't. In the occasion that our explaination doesn't suffice, it turns into "OK just do it cuz I said so then". And I'm cool with that.

  • Reply
    New York State of Mom
    December 14, 2010 at 9:42 am

    Your relationship with your mom sounds sooooooo familiar!!! Hmm, I'm a tie between Old and New School. I believe in manners and everything has a time and place like "Please", "Thank You", and "Yes, Sir/Ma'am" and when we go to people's house the first thing out of your mouth shouldn't be "Can I have some juice" but I don't believe that a child should be shut down. If you can express how you feel then so should a child who's still learning about emotions, thoughts, and perceptions. I think as a child talking back is them trying to get an understanding, parents just need to check the tone so that we're not equals but we can still communicate…ok my long rant is over lol.

  • Reply
    Sha Boogie
    December 14, 2010 at 9:49 am

    Love the pic! Anywho.. hubby and I try a mix of old and new age approaches when it comes to rearing. We will explain a reason for something sometimes, if we feel it needs an explanation. Other times it def 'do as I say and shut up questioning me about it!' lol If we say come here and we get a 'why' , that is def a verbal beatdown, ha! But, we communicate more than we spank and try to dole out appropriate punishments.

  • Reply
    Rose's Daughter
    December 14, 2010 at 1:30 pm

    I am wondering how I am going to deal with this when the time comes. On the one hand, I am old school. SHUT IT DOWN! But my hubby wants to be new age: lets talk to him. I agree with explaining things to Pookah when he starts to ask why. But after I explain why and you still do wrong? I don't know…… My child is already kind of headstrong at 1! I can't imagine what will happen when he really gets to the age where I HAVE to discipline!! I'll be reading your blog and others to see how that goes!

  • Reply
    Alicia@ Mommy Delicious
    December 14, 2010 at 11:40 pm

    What a cute pic!!!! He DOES have so much personality. Haha. Well, I was just talking about this today with another blogging buddy of mine. While i DO have set rules in my house that I expect my son to follow like we dont climb on furniture or we dont go near the dangerous cabinet, I also try to guide him and thoroughly explain to him WHY those rules are in place (ie: our furniture will be ruined and we have to take care of our things; the cabinet is filled with dangerous things and you could get hurt and then mommy will be very sad). I feel like once he understands why we dont do certain things, he will be more willing to cooperate.

    Also, I try to have consequences for actions, not so much punishments, but consequences, which could be good or bad. A good consequence of taking care of our things is praise from mommy "Aiden, you take such good care of your things. I'm so proud of you," and a not-so-good consequence can be a loss of privilege. But then I let HIM think it over and tell me when he's ready to accept the responsibility of taking care of his things. For the most part, it works.

    I dont have to deal with the talking back. Yet. My son is 3, and is in the "why" phase which can be annoying, I mean fun. But really, I like that he is such a critical thinking and asks so many questions.

    Thanks for stopping by my blog. After our convo on twitter, I think I may be switching over to WP too — just to be on the safe side. I'm not sure if it's better to self-host or not, but from what I hear, it's not half bad.

    I'm happy we've connected and I'm your newest follower. Now I can really keep in touch. I love your writing style, btw… you're so hilarious!

  • Reply
    How ‘Bout a Slice of Grateful Pie | Lipgloss and Binky
    March 29, 2011 at 9:05 pm

    […] if that wasn’t bad enough, remember the post here about him talking back. Well he has gotten worse. I blogged that rant over at Mami 2 Mommy on […]

  • Reply
    March 30, 2011 at 9:22 am

    I was a rebellious teenager until my mom shut it down, excuse me, she shut it DOWN! Now, my son, at 5 was kicked of Kindergarten! I had to shut him down, early! OMG, he was giving me the bizness. He would give me word for word. He questioned everything, and was quite sarcastic and rude to teachers. I am a licensed therapist that at the time worked with children exeriencing behavioral problems. I thought I could handle this with my eyes closed, a little Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and he’s fiixed, right? Wrong, that dude had me questioning my effectiveness as a professional. I went back to the tried and true, “spare the rod, spoil the child” method. I wore him out, and he has been a model citizen every since. I look back and cringe at the thought of it, but it worked! First talk to him, then do whatcha gotta do!
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