Unlikely Martha
Marriage Parenting Relationships

What You Won’t Do….

Listen. This post references *whispers* sex. If you are going to blush and giggle hit the red X and we’ll see you tomorrow.

I recently read an article somewhere about sexless marriages. Call me green but I really didn’t want to believe people did this. Oh, but they do. The numbers were astounding.

So here’s my question. What’s the point?

I understand there are a number of issues beyond one’s control that might contribute to a lack of intimacy between two people but outside of those reasons…*scratches head*

Women are the masters of intimidation and manipulation and I’m sure more than half of the population  have used said action or lack thereof as a reward and punishment system. Wrong.

I subscribe to the theory that what you won’t do…..

Not saying that all men cheat because their wives are nagging, raggedy messes, but I am saying those trying to dangle their special parts like a carrot might be doing themselves more harm than good.

The article went on to explain that the majority of the couples who were in these “arrangements” stayed for their children or money reasons. After interviewing some of the children of these couples overwhelmingly the children were aware of the marital problems despite their parents attempt at hiding it. TRAGIC.

If I can’t be intimate with you, and we’ve tried on more than one occasion and its not working, I’m sorry it’s time to move on. Torturing children thinking you are giving them a good example when they are reading right through the foolishness has dire consequences..in my opinion.

This really floored me.

Would you or could you be in a sexless marriage. If so, please explain?

*hits my virtual two step*

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13 Comments

  • Reply
    kita
    April 11, 2012 at 9:40 am

    First off how did you get the instagram thingy on the side of your page first time I have seen that very neat. Anyway I know of 2 couples who have an arrangement she does her thing he does his thing and it’s for money reason. The other couple does it for the kids sake and because they can’t sell their house right now. Sex is an important part of marriage I don’t know how you can have a marriage without one but many people do. It’s sad even my marriage is rocky but we still manage to have sex when we get a chance to and it brings us closer…for that moment at least. Great convo

  • Reply
    Christina
    April 11, 2012 at 10:28 am

    The only thing I can say is NAWL. I totally agree that what you won’t do for your man, some heaux is willing, and it ain’t going down like that over here, lmbo! NAWL!
    Christina recently posted..Officially

  • Reply
    attorney2be
    April 11, 2012 at 11:10 am

    I wouldn’t be in a sexless marriage but I also wouldn’t stay for the sake of the kids or because money was tight. The sex part wouldn’t bother me because once you have lost me mentally, you have also lost my physically. I don’t see staying in any marriage and you are both unhappy. My parents tried to stay together until I turned 18. It was really bad. They fought all the time and it just didn’t make any sense. Staying with someone you don’t love is never a good idea. All it does it make it harder on everyone around and eventually, you will end up hating each other. It took many years for my parents to heal from their marriage and while they are in a better place now, it did damage to he children who were still at home.

  • Reply
    Jasmine
    April 11, 2012 at 11:21 am

    I think that God has certain expectations for a married couple and we need to respect and abide by that covenant. That being said, the Bible explicitly says that we are to love and respect each other, become ONE FLESH, and give our bodies to each other so I personally don’t understand how you can maintain the intimacy and “oneness” that we are to strive for without sex playing an integral role – especially for the man lol. Obviously, if you have an outside hinderance to this, that is a different story and obviously sex isn’t the only thing a marriage needs. Staying for the kids, or staying together without really being “together” is not a marriage and does nothing for the case for marriage

  • Reply
    Cam | Bibs & Baubles
    April 11, 2012 at 3:15 pm

    not on purpose. if there’s some reason beyond our control then we have to play the hand we were dealt. as you said, outside of that… no haps.

    LOVE that song by the way. One of my faves!!!
    Cam | Bibs & Baubles recently posted..Blogging Taught Me…

  • Reply
    YUMMommy
    April 11, 2012 at 4:32 pm

    I think that if a couple is not willing to work on the issue that ended their sex life, then it might be time to call it quits. I’m not an advocate for divorce but it says a lot when you don’t want to intimate with your husband on a sexual level. And vice versa because men like to withhold sex too!

    And coming from a home where people stayed for the kids, I would never do that to my children.

  • Reply
    Krissy
    April 11, 2012 at 5:29 pm

    Hell NAWL!

    You and I have talked about this before. I told you a lot of married chicks seem like they aren’t giving the good to their hubs and if that’s how marriage is then I want no parts of it. I remember you assuring me thats not how it goes down! lol I’ve loved you more ever since! lol

  • Reply
    Latorsha
    April 11, 2012 at 10:36 pm

    If you ain’t getting any at home, you getting it somewhere AND I DON’T play that! So although I understand people do what they have to do for finances, children, etc……..I do think there needs to come a time when you go your separate ways. A home can’t be happy when ain’t no “good lovin” going on. Just my 2 cent.

  • Reply
    Mrs. Pancakes
    April 12, 2012 at 11:15 pm

    I wouldn’t do it!

  • Reply
    Dr. Reginia
    April 14, 2012 at 1:18 pm

    Intimacy begins with trust and comfort. The couple should have these elements in a solid state and many things dealing with intimacy will fall into place on both sides. I say establish acceptable boundaries and live it up. PS…like Kita…I want an Instagram scroll too.
    Dr. Reginia recently posted..Brand Loyal or Label Whore

  • Reply
    Candace (NYStateofMom)
    April 14, 2012 at 9:50 pm

    In the beginning of our marriage I was the same way and couldn’t understand why people said once you get married the sex stops but then once WE got married the foolishness started and kicked into high gear and once mentally I can’t stand you I can’t really be open and intimate with you, and I’m NOT FAKING so we had a good stretch of NOTHING because something was wrong and not getting fixed. I wouldn’t stay in a loveless marriage for anyone but I don’t know if I’d quit for a draught period lol. In my next marriage it’s gonna be ALL good! *I know better now*

  • Reply
    Rosesdaughter
    April 16, 2012 at 7:57 am

    Now I’m one of those folks who has no time, is always tired, works opposite of my husband etc etc. but I still manage to get it in! Not half as often as I would like, but still! I mean none at all???they are just roommates!
    Rosesdaughter recently posted..Project 52: Week 15:Why So Serious?

  • Reply
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