One day last week as I was driving my niece to school we struck up a conversation regarding her post high school graduation plans. I ran down the usual questions, what dorm would she be staying in, when does school start and what classes would she be taking.
She answered each and then she mentioned the nursing program and I tripped and stumbled a loooooooooong way, 15 years to be exact down memory lane.
I thought about myself when I was preparing to graduate and getting ready for college.When asked, I would mechanically ramble off that I wanted to be a stock broker who worked on Wall Street.
Riiiiiiiiiiight.
I knew when I was saying it, I really wanted to go to the Fashion Institute in New York. I wanted to be a buyer for a major department store. I wanted to live fashion and the glitz and glamour that came along with it. Thing is my parents weren’t hearing it. Neither of my parents attended college but I knew they had high expectations of what I would become. I could hear the pride in my mother’s voice as she bragged on my career aspirations to her friends and colleagues.
So I went to college and majored in business…See my MAC lipglass poppin’ I was more concerned with that..
Thing is I think if she was paying more attention to the type of person I was in relation to who she wanted me to be she would’ve seen that I was so different from what I was speaking. The mall was my second home. My room housed stacks and stacks of fashion magazines and I was constantly yelled at for plastering pages of dresses and models on my wall, but she never nurtured that part of me. She just wanted to me to get a stable job and make lots of money….but what parent doesn’t want that for their child?
I don’t…in theory. I want my children to be happy, and not a slave to material gain. Yet I want them to be comfortable..parenting is hard work. We all know now that happiness in a small shack far outweighs the burden of doing something daily that we despise. I would do my children an injustice to instill anything but my desire for them to do what they love.
I’m not mad at her but it just sparks something in me to make sure that I am supporting my children in what they are interested in and not what I want them to do….except for play the piano and ballet.
As much as I wanted to, I didn’t take my niece on that interview because she isn’t my child. But I couldn’t help but wonder if she really wants to be a nurse. I see a creative soul in her, but I guess she’ll have to figure that out on her own…like the rest of us who figured it out late in life or a huge shout out to those of us who are still searching…cause I haven’t quite figured it out nearly $75K later
Did you really know what you wanted to be when you graduated from high school?
Will you force your children to go to college or will you encourage them to seek out and make their own way in the world with your emotional AND——> monetary<——- support?
18 Comments
Candace (NYStateofMom)
May 24, 2012 at 11:29 amThis has been my thought for the past week. I chose to become a doctor when I met Dr. Ben Carson when I was 10 and since I said this my family all got behind this idea. I was pretty good with problem solving and science so it just seemed right but no one really knew what I needed to know to get there. Now $70K later I’m still trying to get there but I would def let Chunks choose his own way with no pressure from me but I think I will force a degree (a bachelors is now the new high school diploma).
Kita
May 24, 2012 at 11:52 amIn high school they asked us the question where would we be in 10 years my answer CEO of my own company…..10 years has come and gone and I am still trying to live out my dream. I have the education but sometimes that’s not enough. I will support my kids in anything they want to do with the advice to do something that will make some money because although money is not the most important we need it to live so be happy but make money too.
Rhonda L
May 24, 2012 at 11:55 amThis is my dilemma right now. My oldest daughter is 19 and finishing her first year in college. She went through so many changes this year from wanting to be a writer, to a graphic designer, and now she’s at culinary arts. I support her emotionally and monetary. I told her these couple of years is the best time to make her mistakes and find herself.
Optimistic Mom
May 24, 2012 at 12:53 pmThis is a great topic. In college all I knew was to become a nurse or a teacher. I don’t think my parents knew the possibilities and I didn’t either. Looking back I think I chose the right route because it was safe and stable. Now almost 12 years later I find myself wondering if it is time to explore more. In hindsight I don’t think I really examined all the options.
I hope that we can help our son find his true calling and support his decision and also understand that it could change…..cause life happens. 😉
Krissy
May 24, 2012 at 1:17 pmMy niece is set on nursing right now as well and shes 14. In the next 4 years she might change her mind. When i was younger i always wanted to be a pediatrician. I Loved mine and I wanted to do what she did. As I got older I wanted to be a social worker. And when i got a degree in psychology I knew that I wanted to be a therapist, and I still do. But now I need to go back to school to do that. It’s not a fast pace race for me. One day I will be a therapist.
I just want Jasmine to be happy. I will encourage college. I’d like her to get an education but I can already tell shes a creative soul. She has a very awesome imagination and she college me not be for her. We will cross that bridge when we get there though.
RandomBitesofASweetLife
May 24, 2012 at 1:27 pmGood topic. I can relate to so much of what you talk about overall. One example being ballet. My mother put me in ballet and at that young age I said I wanted to quit and she let me. I wish I would have continued. For school I went into business too, but I’m more of a creative mind and at 33 I’m still trying to figure out my career and other endeavors.
I think as parents all we can do is introduce as many things as we can to our children and see which things they gravitate towards. We should definitley not let them give up too quickly But at the same time not force them either. With that said I will support my children in what they want to do because doing something you love that is fulfilling is way more important and as they develop, I want to nurture their natural abilities.
Gerri
May 24, 2012 at 1:28 pmGreat post, Mimi. I could talk about this all day.
I’ve always had a teaching heart. But I graduated high school in the year 2000. At that time, if you weren’t going to college to major in something business technology-related, then were you were destined to be a dud. It was THE thing to do at the time.
So, I did it. And shortly after graduation, I got my first job in business and started working on my MBA — pretty much like I’d planned. But then it happened. The unhappiness. Oh, the unhappiness. It was awful. I hated my job — and the people there didn’t make it any better. I had to get out.
Luckily I’d seen people all my life unhappy on the job, and I just didn’t want that for myself. So I was bold (which was easy since I was young and had no real responsibilities yet): I quit my job, quit the MBA program, and moved out of the city I was in. I started working on my business education degree at another university, which would eventually put me in the classroom where I felt like I belonged.
Eight years later and six years of teaching under my belt, I am reminded every day that this is exactly what I was put her for. I. LOVE. MY. JOB. Literally almost every second of it.
I must say that I have NO regrets. I am VERY glad I got that first degree in business. That means I have the background to do just about anything I want. But TEACHING business is for me. At least right now.
So many parents are like you said yours were. They don’t pay as much attention to their child’s interests and abilities, and some push their kids toward things they will never love. It’s one of the reasons there are so many college dropouts and people who hate their jobs. I will try to ALWAYS push my kids toward the things they love. If it happens to yield a great income, that’s nice. But if it makes them happy, then they’re rich to me.
Awesome post, Mimi. Have a great weekend!
Nellie
May 24, 2012 at 2:00 pmI knew exactly what I wanted to be when I graduated high school, unfortunately I got a rude comment from someone that made me change my entire direction, I actually have a blog draft about that somewhere, but anywho, I am happy with the decisions I’ve made although if I could change one thing I would have worked much much harder in school to make the right connections as well earn a 4.0. I didn’t have nearly all the responsibility that I do now, and there was no reason for me to not network and work hard.
That said, I will always push my kids to work hard in college at whatever they want to do, just be the best at it.
cute photo! 🙂
Kim
May 24, 2012 at 2:43 pmI definitely knew what I wanted to be before graduating high school and I never stopped pursuing that dream. I will support my kids in whatever they choose. My oldest says she wants to be a nurse and when she said that someone close to us said you should be a doctor instead because they make the most money. I said no because the nurse do all the work and take care of the patients and besides that’s what she wants to be. Sure she cam aim higher but if that is what she wants I’ll support it.
Jessica
May 24, 2012 at 2:45 pmI really enjoyed reading this. Truly. In high school, I told everyone that I wanted to be a psychologist. I think something about helping other people allured me, well, that and the money. But, now, now I’m not a psychologist. I’ve taken an unexpectedly wonderful path and I would hope that my children do the same. I hope that they will follow their passions, push themselves, and love whatever it is that they decide to do. That’s my hope.
YUMMommy
May 24, 2012 at 3:23 pmMy mom was totally supportive of me pursuing my passion for fashion and all things glam. I am very blessed in that aspect. When I told her I wanted to study fashion in college she said ok. And if mom wouldn’t have been supportive, but aunts were. Our family is very much a village.
Some people call it over stepping boundaries but looking back, I am thankful they double checked to make sure my mom was supporting MY dream and that I hadn’t been pressured to live hers. I strive to be the same way with my kids and niece. With the media and society already encouraging kids to not be themselves, I feel it’s important to a parent, aunt/uncle, cousin or friend to encourage them to follow their hearts and be themselves!
Channing
May 25, 2012 at 12:16 amI wish I would have been true to myself too and went to school in NYC. I’m on the way to being what I should have been though, I hope you are too.
Rosesdaughter
May 25, 2012 at 1:31 amIn high school, all I wanted to ever be was writer. I got accepted to college, and after my first year, changed because nursing was a guarentee to get a job. I wish I had stayed with it.
With Pookah, I’m going to try so hard to let him do what he likes, and to encourage him to follow whatever dream he may have.
Jenni
May 25, 2012 at 10:02 amFrom elementary school through high school, I wanted to be a pediatrician, typical response! Well, that was until I had to dissect a cat for AP Biology! Then I quickly changed my mind and settled on journalism.
Last weekend, I was having a discussion with some friends about what parents push their kids to be. Typically it’s always a doctor, lawyer, teacher, etc. There are so many other professions out there that can be just as, if not more, rewarding and lucrative.
After 10 years in tv, I left for a job that pays a lot less, but makes me extremely happy and gives me more time with my family. That’s what I want for my child. Happiness.
miss donna
May 25, 2012 at 12:07 pmMimi – i wrote about this very thing regarding my own child. since she could talk, she said she wanted to be a doctor. then she decided on becoming a nurse. a few months ago she told me she wanted to talk to me about something. that’s when she broke the news that she really wanted to go to cosmetology school. i was so excited for her! like you, she’s always been extremely creative. she taught herself how to cornrow when she was about five. she does her own nail art and the nail salons think it’s a professional job. never would i want my kids to do anything in life just to please me. they’ll need to be happy with themselves – and their decisions – long after i’m gone. thank you for writing about this so candidly.
Kiea
May 25, 2012 at 8:03 pmWhat a great conversation starter! I definitely had no clue what I wanted to be doing in highschool. I knew something creative so I lived out that part of my dream when I went to Florida for Interior Design school after I spent four years at Alabama A&M majoring in business. I ended up getting a job in architecture and it was great. Only thing is, my mom didn’t prepare me for the world at all. So everything I did, was super sloppy. I had no direction and understanding of how to get to where I went. I’m 90k in debt regarding my education and I see now different avenues I could have taken that would have been less stressful. Overall, I’m going to pay attention to my daughter closely and see where her passions lie. I’m also going to attempt to place her in any and everything to help her figure it out. I just want her to be happy regardless. I have a natural instinct to help people anyway. I just hope I’m not to overbearing with her.
Mama Violet
May 25, 2012 at 11:43 pmI didn’t know what I wanted to do and I still struggle with that now. I did what I was “suppose” to do so I could get a job and make money. I had many many jobs and a little bit of money but I pretty much disliked them all (to the point of tears).
I hope that V figures it out early and I plan to encourage whatever path she wants to take. As for the money, one time only. After that? We’ll see.
KalleyC
May 30, 2012 at 9:27 amGreat post to make you think. The only thing I knew when I went to college was either teaching or business. I was going head first into the teaching part, majoring in education in mathematics. Then it hit me, it’s not what I really wanted to do. Ended up with American History and Africana History with Literature and went on to do business and still hated it.
I think its great that we have dreams for our kids, but sometimes it’s best to let them find their own path.