Unlikely Martha

A Little Too Open Minded?

How was your weekend?

Mine was low key with nothing spectacular and blog worthy so I am going to pose a question to you that I have pondered a bit since having a conversation with a friend of mine.

I rarely, okay practically never bring *whispers* the S word around here but lets talk a bit today. Not about that in specific but kinda sort of. Stay with me.

Something was brought to my attention regarding the looking at and partaking of inappropriate images. Use your imagination if you will. The conversation stemmed around husbands or boyfriends taking a peek at other women’s lady parts and rear ends via lets say a magazine, website, “scrip club”, something of the like.

The question was posed to me regarding would I care if my Mr. decided to participate in visual fantasies.

If you’ve been around here long enough you probably know the answer and if you don’t know let me tell you. I. Don’t. Care. Not only do I not care but I don’t understand women who have a problem with this.

Now I understand from a mysogny, moral and religious standpoint why some people have issue with this and I get that but removing that from the equation why would someone find this a problem? I find most people don’t often list the aforementioned as their disdain with said behaviors, but rather don’t want their man looking at or lusting if you will at another woman.

I have been known to throw caution to the wind on things that send most people in a tail spin and go bonkers while others have their feet up. I’m wired a little different but I like to see what makes other people tick.

In MY opinion insecurities are what cause these things to become issues in relationships. Now I’m not talking about him being at a point where he needs help with an addiction, I’m just talking about a peek here, a once a year trip to the Gentleman’s Club with some homies that came in town, those every now and then moments.

I tend to think when women put limits on things like that, it leads to sneaky behavior. Let’s be honest you can tell someone all day what you don’t want them to do but if they really want to do it…guess what. I would rather compromise and agree to disagree than to have him going behind my back. It’s the sneaky behaviors that lead to questionable behavior in my thoughts. I find so many woman are closed up with their sexuality that maybe their man uses that as a coping mechanism to keep from cheating? Am I stretching?

What’s your take?

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  • Reply
    September 10, 2012 at 10:48 am

    I don’t think you’re stretching at all. I think every now and then visits to strip clubs with friends are okay. As long as we’re not going in debt because you’re feigning for a lap dance every day, I’m cool. LOL! I understand why women have a problem with it I just don’t.
    Tia recently posted..Giveaway: Macys Gift Card

  • Reply
    September 10, 2012 at 11:11 am

    I agree that a peek every now and then is ok. If things start to get out of control then we have an issue. As long as there is open communication about the subject and an understanding there shouldn’t be any issues or insecurities.
    Aracely recently posted..Madison’s Bug Garden Birthday Party

  • Reply
    September 10, 2012 at 11:46 am

    This has been one of those choose your battles topics in my relationship. I’ve learned that instead of being afraid (which let’s be honest most of us are taught to be) we should try asking questions. My husband isn’t into strip clubs. However when I moved here to be with him I found out he had a collection of “artwork” that made feel uneasy. It wasn’t even pornographic really just things that I had been taught were questionable. I told him it made me uncomfortable and he asked why? I wasn’t really sure so I just rattled off all the things I’d heard people say. You know, it’s unhealthy, it’s disrespectful to women etc. But when I took the time to ask him what he liked about this stuff (mostly fantasy pictures of scantily clad warrior women or fairies and the like) he told me it was mostly about this one’s clothes or that one’s weapon, sometimes it was just an attitude they were portraying. Then he told me that a lot of it reminded him of me. He wasn’t looking for cheap thrills or anything like that, he was just admiring things he thought were beautiful. It really taught me a lot about fear and perspectives. Now I don’t really care about that kind of stuff. In fact he’ll sometimes share things with me and tell me specifically what he’s thinking. It’s actually just another way we’re close. I know it may sound weird to some people, but it’s not anything strange at all. I think as women we’re taught to be so extremely protective of our sexuality, that we have a hard time opening up , even to the one person we’re supposed to be able to share everything with.
    Brandyne recently posted..Spotlight On : Pulling Strings

    • Reply
      September 10, 2012 at 1:42 pm

      I think in some instances like you said we have been taught to be so protective of our sexuality that we are close minded to certain things within reason of course where a man may not see it as such. It really is a give and take situation when it comes to something that one person is comfortable with and the other isn’t.
      Mimi recently posted..A Little Too Open Minded?

  • Reply
    September 10, 2012 at 12:40 pm

    Interesting topic. I understand men are very visual by nature and I agree by suppressing them you can make them go the other way to the extreme. My husband and I have a very good understanding and are very open about what we each find attractive in the opposite sex. We each know what we find physically attractive in the opposite sex and will note to each other when we see something attractive. Better to be up front and honest about it IMO!
    Quiana recently posted..Fashion’s Night Out (AKA BlogHer Pt. 2)

  • Reply
    September 10, 2012 at 12:50 pm

    I say to each his/her own. I don’t judge people who participate in porn or strip clubs. Likewise, I don’t label those who take issue with it as being insecure. Some people just don’t like the temptation that it presents. That’s legit concern.

    Especially, when it comes to strip clubs. Sometimes the lines of looking and not touching are often crossed in those places. Then before you know it touching has ventured to something else. And like you said, some people aren’t willing to jeopardize their religious beliefs. I don’t blame them. Lust is one of the 7 Deadly Sins and the Bible speaks heavily about sexual impurity, etc.

    At the end of the day, neither my husband or I believe in strip clubs. It’s never been our thing. We share the mind set that there is no honor in letting another man or woman bump and grind their private parts in our faces. We don’t feel that inviting temptation into our marriage is wise because after all we’re human.

    It’s easy to say well I get lap dances at the club, why wouldn’t be okay to get one outside the club? But hey, to love, honor and cherish has a different meaning for every married couple. I think talking about this issue before marriage can save a lot of couples drama, heartache and divorce later on down the line.
    YUMMommy recently posted..My Weekend WrapUp

  • Reply
    September 10, 2012 at 1:13 pm

    I don’t have a problem with looking,but strip clubs don’t work for me. I don’t want my husband spending money that could paying off student loans or contributing to our kids college funds to look at ass,when he can see that for free. It’s not an issue in my home anyway,cause my husband is cheap and not into that,LOL. Earlier in my marriage,itwould have been an issue for me,but as we’ve grown together,I’m pretty secure in my role. As
    Christina recently posted..Wordless Wednesday

  • Reply
    September 10, 2012 at 1:14 pm

    Both hubby and I are on the same page when it comes to this. The strip club life, porn magazines, or movies have no place in our marriage. Marriage is hard enough without throwing “chosen” temptation into the mix. But we’re also in agreement that each couple has to do what works for their marriage.

    Hugs and Mocha,
    Stesha recently posted..Games & Gadgets

  • Reply
    September 10, 2012 at 2:31 pm

    I’m like you Mimikins, I don’t care. It doesn’t bother me in the least. My honey is not into strip clubs at all and neither am I but if he wanted to go I wouldn’t fight with him about it. He and I have watched porn together, its a form of foreplay, sue me! lmao

    Like Quiana, neither of us have an issue pointing out something attractive on the opposite sex attractive. It’s not big deal really.

    But seriously, I’m so secure with myself and within my relationship that my honey “taking a peek” is a none issue.
    Krissy recently posted..Lyrical Jas

  • Reply
    September 10, 2012 at 6:11 pm

    We did this before marriage I didn’t care because we were not married but after marriage I think going to the strip clubs is out of the question. I agree with Yummommy I don’t judge if people let their significant other go and do them but in my household we don’t do it. There is a reason behind why I don’t ( I will have to talk about it on my blog one day) you give some men a rope and they hang themselves and it causes a problem that doesn’t need to be added to a marriage we have enough problems already.

  • Reply
    September 10, 2012 at 8:01 pm

    Closed minded people are soooo not fun. I don’t have a problem with it at all. As long as that isn’t his everyday/every weekend adventure. Call me nuts (shrugs) but I have gone with my dude to the strip club a couple of times. It surely does make for an interesting AFTER PARTY (if you know what I mean) I come home telling myself I can do that and some…lol

  • Reply
    Melisa - Mommy This and That
    September 10, 2012 at 10:12 pm

    I’m with you, doesn’t bother me in the least. But I think it is something that needs to be discussed. From a lot of the previous comments, it seems people really have an issue with strip clubs. I can see how someone might take that to the next inappropriate level but again it is all about knowing your partner and trusting them. I believe someone that wants to cheat, is going to find a way to do it, no matter what. I believe that one should never put themselves in a situation where they could possibly lose control.

    My husband subscribes to Playboy. I joke about it with him all the time, does it bother me? Not in the least. Men are visual and if he wants to fantasize about Suzie Q, so be it. Heck, we sometimes look at the magazine together! And yes, they actually do have good articles.
    Melisa – Mommy This and That recently posted..What I Like About You

  • Reply
    September 10, 2012 at 11:27 pm

    When I wasn’t married, I could have cared less if my man went to the strip club. Go, look, come home and take that frustration out on me. 🙂 But now, I’m like Christina, that money could be spent somewhere else! He can go and look, but I’ll be damn if you give up our money for something that you can see for free at home!
    LaShawn recently posted..The Disney Princess Half Marathon

  • Reply
    Mrs. Delightful
    September 11, 2012 at 8:05 am

    I do not have a problem with him going to the strip club (once in a blue moon); I have a problem with my money being thrown around in the strip club though.

    Mrs. Delightful

  • Reply
    September 11, 2012 at 8:08 am

    hmmm good topic! I feel secure in my relationship enough to let him do watch what he wants…but I have a feeling that if the tables were turned he wouldn’t be too happy with that! I agree with everyone else, we work too hard, mortgage and plenty bills to pay to be giving to to some “case” in the club. no sir.
    Nellie recently posted..Scratchy Eyes? Red Nose? Here Are The Top 10 Ways To Avoid Allergy Face!

  • Reply
    September 11, 2012 at 10:21 am

    Hard topic. Mr. C and agreed that it has no place in our marriage. It’s not that I’m not okay with him watching, it’s just because he was never into that in the first place. That and he said he never wanted to have a stash in the house to have the kids stumble upon it randomly (there is a story behind that). I won’t judge people who like strip clubs or let it happen in their marriage–you do work works for you and yours. 🙂
    KalleyC recently posted..A Day of Remembrance

  • Reply
    September 11, 2012 at 11:07 am

    Everyone has different outlooks on this! I used to be insecure with guys I did not trust. Now with my Hubby, we make jokes about who he likes or who’s booty he is watching! LOL! However, I do not want him going to a strip club and throwing our money away! He is kind of a nerd, he has never been to one- so he says!
    Rhonda recently posted..OOTD from Target

  • Reply
    this cookn mom
    September 12, 2012 at 2:05 pm

    If my husband wanted to go to strip club, I would hope he would be open about it. I just might tag along with him to see what the hoopla is about(I’ve never been). I would not want him making a habit of it, but I wouldn’t mind him going with his boys a few times. I’ve told him this long time ago. We use to watch body art videos together and that did help us open up to each other sexually where we weren’t afraid to voice our opinions. I think were taught to think of clubs and strip clubs negatively which makes us automatically biased.
    this cookn mom recently posted..1 year of JOY

  • Reply
    September 13, 2012 at 12:38 am

    Nope, not stretching at all Mimi!!!!! Heck, I try to get mine to go just to get out for enjoyment but he himself don’t believe in the Strip Clubs… He didn’t do it before we were married & don’t engaged in it now. So, I have to role play!!!! Lol!!!!

    But I Thnk we as a ppl are condition to not talk about sexuality but it’s nature and. Beautiful thing and it’s ok to discuss so I ask him what are his thoughts about women, big booty’s and such we laugh play and then more ROLE PLAY!!!!! So, bottom line I know he respect me enough that if he did go to the strip club he would be ready to come back home to wifey cause I can give him what that chic in the club can’t! HA!
    Lynn recently posted..Green Zebra… OOTD

  • Reply
    September 15, 2012 at 1:21 pm

    There’s nothing wrong with looking at the menu, provided you always eat at home.
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