Unlikely Martha
MOMing

compassionate parenting, unruly kids and side eyes


For the past 5 years I have likely spent more time than not perusing the interwebs connecting and engaging with other moms. These interactions have exposed me to a variety of different parenting methods, and have offered more than a fair share of “Dear lady at Target that didn’t side eye me when my child threw a tantrum and broke a Lilly Pulitzer for Target vase.” You know of these articles of which I speak where we are all asked to have compassion for that mom struggling with her child because as an outsider looking in we don’t know that her child my have developmental or behavioral issues. I have read these articles and appropriately not side eyed that mom in the store and have at times offered my assistance if I see someone having a really hard time.

Compassion is a real thing and we all need to have it and display it when necessary.

That being said, if we are encouraging one another as moms to be more compassionate and less judgmental in our dealings with one another, let’s be mindful of how we let our children and their freedoms infringe on others.

Case  in point.

In my daughter’s ballet class there is a student that is just….let’s say out of control. She is a constant disruption to the class, yells out and refuses to do what the teacher asks. The teacher reasonably tries to accommodate and encourage the child but depending on the day and how the wind is blowing she may or may not chose to participate. Here’s the thing, as a parent while I may exercise my right not to discipline my child, I would have to step in when I felt that my child’s issues were starting to impact and take time away from other students whose parent’s  spend their hard earned money for uninterrupted lessons.

This is where I draw the line. While I can be compassionate and think about all of the reasons why a child may have a behavioral issue, please be mindful of the money I spend monthly to have my child participate in an activity. As a mother I don’t think I could sit back and watch my child no matter what his/her issue may be completely take time away from other paying customers without stepping in and disciplining when needed or maybe finding my child a private lesson if necessary.

The way my level of compassion is set up currently, if your child rams into my cart in Target while running full speed  down a Target aisle as if it is a drag way (this happened), before issuing a side eye I kindly think your child has some behavioral  issues and you deserve to be in Target like the rest of us because simply there would be no way that you would let that happen unless there were factors driving such behaviors that you have no control over. However, if you are continuously letting your child be a disruption in a setting outside of a public classroom, I’m handing out side eyes like candy on Halloween.

Seriously, I implore us all to really consider how our parenting methods affect those around us. My child won’t ram into your cart in Target without issuing an apology, and I expect the same respect…but I get it. If you are one of those that feel the need to let your child run free and disrupt others void of an apology I would hope you would expect to receive a side eye and not feel any kind of way.

This has been a NaBloPoMo rambling. Since I’m blogging everyday and this scenario has had me a little perturbed all day this has been my vent for the day. Thanks for listening?

Am I wrong?  Am I still lacking in the compassion department? What would you do?

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7 Comments

  • Reply
    Mimi "MimiCuteLips" Green
    November 8, 2015 at 8:53 am

    I think my compassion is conditional. It depends on how much I can take that moment of that day. It’s harder when I’ve spent my money. It’s harder when I left my kids at home so I can get some peace.

    Disabilities I get, lack of parenting I don’t. I will give a dozen side eyes in seconds.
    Mimi “MimiCuteLips” Green recently posted..Miami #FatSnacks

  • Reply
    Keera Holland
    November 8, 2015 at 9:16 am

    I’d have to agree with you. When my son became disruptive in his karate class,
    Instead of just sitting back and waiting until it was over. I asked him if he’d like
    To leave, he said yes and we were gone. There’s a sense of entitlement parents are teaching their children when they allow them to ram their cart into some else’s. These are the kinds of behaviors that must be corrected. I watch many parents just shrug it off like it’s nothing. It’s just easy to ignore but that’s not parenting!

  • Reply
    LaShawn
    November 8, 2015 at 3:14 pm

    My compassion is conditional. You can tell the parents who are really trying and the ones who are like whatever. I’ve gotten to the point where I WILL say something to your child if you don’t. It takes a village after all
    LaShawn recently posted..Stream Of Consciousness Sunday: Prioritizing parents

  • Reply
    Sabrina
    November 8, 2015 at 6:36 pm

    I try to have compassion and empathy, but I need the parents to acknowledge and try to correct behaviors. I will never side-eye a parent that is trying but if they are just giggling or sitting back and chilling while letting their child misbehaves, then they are getting the major side-eye.
    Sabrina recently posted..Homemade Brown Sugar Lip Scrub

  • Reply
    Melisa
    November 9, 2015 at 5:44 pm

    I agree that we all should have a certain amount of compassion…but when what another child is doing or not doing effects something I put money into? No sir…that’s where I draw the line. I am at the point now where I am going to question my own child’s dance instructor because their is one child that can not get there on time. Ever. Her child misses the first two things they do and then disrupts things coming in. I don’t want to be that parent but these classes are not cheap and the instructor should be able to get through the class without interruption.

  • Reply
    Candace
    November 10, 2015 at 11:31 pm

    Oh my compassion is absolutely conditional! Especially when the parent stand idly by while their child tears the place up and ruins everyone experience of whatever. Get Yo Child! lol
    Candace recently posted..10 ON 10 AT 10pm PHOTOGRAPHY PROJECT

  • Reply
    Sonya
    November 11, 2015 at 1:05 am

    I can’t stand lazy and unconcerned parents. I don’t understand why some people just aren’t concerned with their child’s rude behavior. My kids aren’t perfect, they have their moments. But we are always letting them know what in unacceptable. Because a kid won’t know unless you tell them.
    Sonya recently posted..Top 3 Weekly Goals

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