Parenting – Page 6 – Unlikely Martha

What You Won’t Do….

Listen. This post references *whispers* sex. If you are going to blush and giggle hit the red X and we’ll see you tomorrow.

I recently read an article somewhere about sexless marriages. Call me green but I really didn’t want to believe people did this. Oh, but they do. The numbers were astounding.

So here’s my question. What’s the point?

I understand there are a number of issues beyond one’s control that might contribute to a lack of intimacy between two people but outside of those reasons…*scratches head*

Women are the masters of intimidation and manipulation and I’m sure more than half of the population have used said action or lack thereof as a reward and punishment system. Wrong.

I subscribe to the theory that what you won’t do…..

Not saying that all men cheat because their wives are nagging, raggedy messes, but I am saying those trying to dangle their special parts like a carrot might be doing themselves more harm than good.

The article went on to explain that the majority of the couples who were in these “arrangements” stayed for their children or money reasons. After interviewing some of the children of these couples overwhelmingly the children were aware of the marital problems despite their parents attempt at hiding it. TRAGIC.

If I can’t be intimate with you, and we’ve tried on more than one occasion and its not working, I’m sorry it’s time to move on. Torturing children thinking you are giving them a good example when they are reading right through the foolishness has dire consequences..in my opinion.

This really floored me.

Would you or could you be in a sexless marriage. If so, please explain?

*hits my virtual two step*

13 Comments

Children• Lil Man• Parenting

Paranoid

I have fond memories of being a child and spending my days outdoors jumping double dutch, running home begging for change when I heard the ice cream truck on the horizon and spending endless hours playing hide and go seek.

Our lives as children were so carefree in relation to the lives that our children our forced to live today.

The other day my son asked for permission to go outdoors. I said yes, with the stipulation that he was to come back home if no one was allowed to come out. I normally call my neighbor to make sure he made it to her house, even though she is one house down. This particular day I decided to look out of the window instead of call. I tried to tell myself that he was fine but my intuition said otherwise.

As I looked out of the window I saw him standing by my neighbors house and they weren’t home. I watched for awhile to see if he would head home. Next, he wandered over to another neighbor’s house who also wasn’t home. I continued to watch. He was just out there standing and wandering. At the same time there was another boy playing on the basketball goal. I hate to judge, but something about this boy doesn’t settle right with me.He is in high school and for lack of better words reminds me of being a little off. He doesn’t speak, the other kids don’t play with him. I just don’t know about him…I’ve always said this.

I finally head outside and yell to my son “What did I say?” He looks at me and says nothing.

All I could think about is this could’ve been the day when the boy playing basketball could’ve taken him off somewhere and…..or someone could’ve driven in the cul de sac and grabbed him. My imagination can get very vivid. I was so upset with him, and he is now on punishment and is no longer allowed to go outside unsupervised.

I hate taking this freedom from him, but I just can’t live with the thought of something happening to him. It happens everyday. If he didn’t listen to me when I said come in the house, how will I know he will listen when I say don’t talk to strangers or run and yell if someone tries to grab you…Until I feel like he gets it, he can’t play outside without supervision.

Am I tripping? Not that your opinion will change how I have chosen to proceed but I would like to hear your thoughts. Do you allow your children to play outside unsupervised?

23 Comments

Children• Family• Me• Parenting• Rant

Family Ties?

I’m a bad relative.

Outside of my husband and children I really truly and honestly feel no familial ties to anyone, other than my aunt, my cousin and her children on my maternal side.

Sad.

Before you start judging there is history. I never grew up in a tight close knit family. When my mother was living for as long as I could remember it was us, her two sisters and my cousins, then one of my aunts died and you do the math. This is a sad realization because my father has a huge side but I never really got close to them. I point no fingers, but I will say that I was a child and had no control over those things. Since Facebook I have had more contact with my father’s side and they are all open to growing a relationship with me and I’m not trying I just feel like its too late, although I know it isn’t.

Now as an adult I realize in some ways that this has made me cold hearted unintentionally toward family ties, needs, requests, etc. This makes me kind of inwardly sad. I read your posts of how close your families are and I can’t connect in the least bit. Like zilch. How am I going to teach my children something that I don’t know.

I find more loyalty in my friends than family at times, but I think its because I don’t try to give family more of a chance. My inlaws have been okay with me, but there have been things said and done around my mothers passing that makes it very hard for me to forgive and forget but I move on. Yet, I feel that some of them want something from me that I really can’t give. It’s not in me.

I say I will try to call more often, send pictures of the children etc…but it never happens because these things and let’s be honest people are not really priorities in my life. Some have said awful things, thrown major shade and others haven’t been there at the most important times in my life, yet I stand in the gap when they need something..it’s cool. Really.

What can I say. I’ve tried. It’s not working. I move on. I’m fine with it…except I don’t want my children growing up this way. I’m just not sure how to fix it.

How are your dealings with your family? If not so good how do you not pass this on to your children. If you don’t have children how have you overcome these issues or did you just throw up your hands?

This was an (unofficial) stream of consciousness. Is All things Fadra’s linky still open?!!!!

20 Comments

Life• Parenting

Epiphany

I’m a realist~~…depending on the day.~~ The gears that churn in my head are always moving. ALWAYS. So last week when I found myself stressed out I really took some time to see what I can do to prevent myself from going off on on these tangents from time to time. I eventually came to the conclusion that feeling overwhelmed is a natural part of life and these emotions come. The integral part in getting through these times is knowing that they are temporary and refusing to wallow in the depths of despair for day/months/years at a time. I give myself a max of 5 days and then I have to get up and do something. Too much to be thankful for.

While in my feelings, I came to the epiphany that alot of my anxiety comes from not wanting to be like my mother. Yes, that’s what I said. I love my mother, she was a wonderful mother and set many examples..some to be followed others not so much.

As parents we make decisions and teach our children based on our life experiences. We teach them what we know. As they grow into adulthood it is up to them to learn what in those lessons works and what doesn’t.

My mother had a hard time letting go of the past, and was known for starting and not finishing things. She left this earth with many of her dreams written in journals that I recently spent time reading. Nothing was exceptionally difficult, but she couldn’t let go of hiccups in her past and as a result she was never able to move forward.

It hit me. Sometimes the best things we learn from our parents is not to be like them, and there is nothing wrong with that. I am terrified that I will leave here like my mother did, never completing any of my dreams. I know this sounds crazy but it’s so true. As I watched my mother hold on to so many trivial things from her past I learned early on that I never wanted to be like that. I never wanted people to have that sort of control over me. While they’re sleeping on 198,523,936 thread count sheets, drooling and snoring I’m seething mad. NEVER.

Source: Uploaded by user via Mimi on Pinterest

My children need to know that they can do anything they set their minds to. The pressure is on my husband and I to not only tell them this but to set a tangible example. They need to know all people won’t hurt them, and if someone does they must move on and categorize that person as such and not limit themselves by thinking everyone else is the same. I’m just thankful I havebeen able to conjure up the strength to move beyond what I was shown as a child and make my own way. I’m sure there will be many things that we will do wrong as parents but I pray that the children are able to see and rectify those things in their adult lives.

What did your parent(s) teach you that you vow to not pass on to your children? Are you there yet? Hard isn’t it.

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