I have been thinking about my mother alot lately. Not in a sad way but just wishing she was here for me to grab a spot at the bottom of her bed, curl up and fire off all of the randomness in my head and get her honest opinions. She has been gone nearly three years. Maybe it is high time I go and visit her grave, which I have never been back to and get a few things off of my chest. Might be good for the soul.
This week I have also found myself in my thoughts about my next steps. I go through this every month or so. Within the span of a week, I have thought about going back to work, looking into freelance writing, mapping out my next steps for Divinitee, along with a plethora of other things and not in that particular order. What’s next? What am I supposed to be doing? I have tossed these scenarios around and around in my head and have yet to get a clue. In my thoughts I have come to the conclusion that I feel disconnected from God. I am not a Bible verse spewing individual but it is no clue if you have been here long enough that I am a believer.
At one point these thoughts would have never taken hold, because I always believed that God had the ultimate control in my life and whatever I was supposed to do, or wherever I was supposed to be He would make sure it came to fruition. This place of turmoil and unrest is not of God and I need to fix it. Its a process but I need to take the first step and start reading my Bible more and drawing near…I need to be able to hear the still small voice above my ramblings. I need to spend time with Him daily in the morning before I start my day and get back to a place of resting in Him. This is placed at the top of my to do list. NOTHING will get started daily until I take out this time. Its important and I need it.
Sooo..I am waiting in the carpool line to pick up my son the other day when I heard “Order My Steps” on the radio. I haven’t hear that song in For.ever. I took that as a sign that God is telling me to chill out and let Him do the directing..I think I will!
Do you ever get all loopy and crazy about what you are supposed to be doing? What is your remedy or safe haven from your own thoughts?!