Me

I’m a bad relative.

Outside of my husband and children I really truly and honestly feel no familial ties to anyone, other than my aunt, my cousin and her children on my maternal side.

Sad.

Before you start judging there is history. I never grew up in a tight close knit family. When my mother was living for as long as I could remember it was us, her two sisters and my cousins, then one of my aunts died and you do the math. This is a sad realization because my father has a huge side but I never really got close to them. I point no fingers, but I will say that I was a child and had no control over those things. Since Facebook I have had more contact with my father’s side and they are all open to growing a relationship with me and I’m not trying I just feel like its too late, although I know it isn’t.

Now as an adult I realize in some ways that this has made me cold hearted unintentionally toward family ties, needs, requests, etc. This makes me kind of inwardly sad. I read your posts of how close your families are and I can’t connect in the least bit. Like zilch. How am I going to teach my children something that I don’t know.

I find more loyalty in my friends than family at times, but I think its because I don’t try to give family more of a chance. My inlaws have been okay with me, but there have been things said and done around my mothers passing that makes it very hard for me to forgive and forget but I move on. Yet, I feel that some of them want something from me that I really can’t give. It’s not in me.

I say I will try to call more often, send pictures of the children etc…but it never happens because these things and let’s be honest people are not really priorities in my life. Some have said awful things, thrown major shade and others haven’t been there at the most important times in my life, yet I stand in the gap when they need something..it’s cool. Really.

What can I say. I’ve tried. It’s not working. I move on. I’m fine with it…except I don’t want my children growing up this way. I’m just not sure how to fix it.

How are your dealings with your family? If not so good how do you not pass this on to your children. If you don’t have children how have you overcome these issues or did you just throw up your hands?

This was an (unofficial) stream of consciousness. Is All things Fadra’s linky still open?!!!!